LFTI Episode 9 (Part 4 of 4)

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LFTI Episode 9 (Part 3 of 4)

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Remote Blogging

What is this?! A new post?!

Yes.

I just got a new Blackberry and I wanted to see what thus whole "remote blogging" or "phone logging" or "phlogging" is all about.

This seems like the perfect day in which to do it as my computer is currently being held.hostage by a freelance job. I'm capturing 8 hours of footage and can't do anything else really until it's done.

I need another computer.

The LFTI X-Mas vido is online today. I'd post a link but...

I'm struggling enough trying to type with, essentially, my thumbnails. I look forward to many more hours of thumbnail typing. I anxiously await the phenomenon of my thumbnails growing twice as fast as the rest of my fingernails.

Anyway, look for the LFTI video!

OMG! It Hasn’t Been That Long Has It?!

Oh, yes it has. Long enough for me to turn into a teenage girl and use exclamations like “OMG.”

What have I been doing that I’ve been neglecting this blog for so long, you ask? Well, I’ve been producing an online sitcom! And, I have to admit; I’ve been cheating on you with another blog. The LFTI blog.

There. I’m glad I’ve gotten that off my chest. Now we can work past it. Maybe you can go over to the LFTI blog and see my latest posts? I know, I know, they’re ALL about the dumb show, but that’s the point of that blog.

I will post blogs here again, I promise! I have to be more careful about what I say on the LFTI blog (though I’m not usually), so I want to post stuff here, really I do! I could use the outlet!

I mean, that crazy lady with the 76 kids is popping out more babies and I wasn’t around to say anything about it! Bush is still a dickhead (but really, aren’t we all just kind of coasting to the end on that one anyway, honestly?). Polygamists got busted! Polygamists! There’s a lot of stuff happening in the world that’s ripe for my ire! I just don’t always have the time.

But I WILL start posting here again, I promise. However, in the mean time, why not check out the LFTI blog? I’ve put a bunch of music on there and stuff. It’s great!

TAM

Have You Had All Your Shots?

We've gone Viral!

That's right, LFTI is like an infection. Thanks to Viral on Veoh, a fantastic internet show about other internet shows.

Sunny and co-producer Josh visited the old "set" last month and talked to us a bit. here are the fruits of their labor:



You can watch it here too (higher quality on the Veoh site)!

Aren't we cool?

Thanks, Sunny!


Fun Fact: I'm the most awkward interviewee there has ever been. That's a fact.

Send in the Douchebags

Don’t bother, they’re here.

Well, not here. They’re on YouTube. How do I know? Because Episode 6 of our sitcom “Life From The Inside” was just featured on the YouTube homepage, and nothing brings out the douchebags like a featured video.

Before I continue, I want to say that there are also really great people on YouTube. In fact, most of the people on YouTube are great. Unfortunately, they don’t comment as often.

I’ve commented on a few videos and such, and it can always feel a little self-serving. Like the only reason you’re commenting is to show everyone else how cool/clever/insightful/funny you are. And it’s because of that feeling that a lot of truly cool people don’t post comments. They don’t want to seem narcissistic or lame, or they see that a bunch of asshats are leaving stupid comments and they don’t want to be associated with them.

I can understand that.

Unfortunately, this means that the haters can easily take over any comments section.

See, all it takes is one douchebag to burst the douchebag dam and suddenly the entire valley is being flooded with…well…douchebags. Douchebags up to the eyeballs.

The only way to counter this kind of catastrophe is to put up a retaining wall. A levee of goodwill and constructive criticism. Raise the discourse so that the douchbags can’t spill over the top. It doesn’t take a lot.

Most douchebags are hopelessly insecure creatures. You just have to make them feel like they stick out in the crowd and they’ll shy away.

This brings me to my point. It would be very nice to have the support of real people who actually watch the show! If you have a second, go to YouTube, click on our episode and leave a comment. It doesn’t have to be glowing, just speak your mind. Only speak your mind in an intelligent fashion. Please.

Oh, and don’t forget to rate the video too! Douchebags love to give out low ratings. It doesn’t have anything to do with the quality of the video. Normal people rate videos based on a number of criteria (self-prescribed, sure). But, think of a douchebag rating system as an “erection meter.”

Plus, they seem to think that all entertainment should be geared toward them. But really, how much bikini Jell-O wrestling can people watch?

My limit is around 3 hours.

Thanks for all your support! And I just want to add that as a whole, the experience of being featured on YouTube has been a positive one! It’s hard to sit back and listen to the douchebags spout their bile, but we’ve gotten a bunch of new subscribers and they just keep coming!

It’s nice to know that there are people out there who like the show! And we love our subscribers. Really, great people.

I just wish they’d comment a little more.


Fun Fact: I forgot to update this blog yesterday to let you know that we were featured again on YouTube (after we were taken down, at around 5pm). Sorry. But you know now! And isn’t that the most important thing?

And Tanya’s birthday is Saturday! Happy Birthday, Tanya! Give her some love?

And Part 4 of Episode 6 is still coming Monday, March 24th!

YouTease

Ignorance is bliss. I used to know what it was like NOT to be featured on the front page of YouTube.

Now I do.

The subscribers! The views! The publicity!

But like a nerd taken to the prom by the hottest girl in school as a joke, eventually your bubble will be burst…and in a cruel way.

Life From The Inside was about two inches from being able to sit at the cool kid’s table. So close that we could smell the name brand snack cakes.

Now we are back at the table by the door listening to tales of all-night D&D campaigns and gnawing on Little Debbies.

YouTube featured us on the front page today…for about an HOUR.

I don’t know if there was a glitch or what, but we’re gone now. We did get a bunch of new subscribers, which was very nice. I would have like to have been up longer, but I guess you take what you can?

At least I have a cool screenshot of the event as proof! That’s something! And we can ALWAYS say that we’ve been featured on the front page of YouTube!

And we will.




Fun Fact: The finale of Episode 6 will be posted on Monday! Yeah! And, who knows, maybe we’ll make the front page after all?

BetterTube

Oh what a clever title!

This is just a small post to let you know a little something about YouTube. No, I'm not here to tell you that we've been featured again (Episode 6 Part 1) and that the video has received almost 240,000 views (though we are proud of that!).

I'm here to tell you about a new YouTube feature. One that they haven't rolled out to it's fullest extent yet. The "higher quality" video feature. Yes, now you can actually watch decent quality video on YouTube! It's about time!

If you look closely on some videos you'll see a little link under the view screen that reads: "watch this video in higher quality." Just click on the link and you'll see a version of the video that barely loads any slower (on high-speed connections anyway) but that looks about 200 times better.

Not all videos have this feature - at least in an obvious location.

However, ANY video on YouTube can be watched at a higher quality with just a little extra work from you. When you're on a YouTube page, just add

&fmt=18

to the end of the URL in your browser and you'll be whisked away to better living through bandwidth.

So, now I won't feel so guilty when I ask (beg) you to go to our YouTube pages and rate and comment on the sitcom ("Life From The Inside" see more at lifefromtheinside.com).

So, wouldn't this be the perfect chance to multi task? See the new high quality videos and rate and comment (favorite too!) on some of our videos! I'll start you out with the higher quality link to Episode 6 Part 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ru0KUZP_QKk&fmt=18

Check it out!


Fun Fact: Episode 7 is about 1/3 shot and it's already one of my favorite episodes!

Can't wait to get it online.

Episode 6 is (Finally) Here!

Sorry for the delay. It won’t happen again.



Episode 6 has gone through a unique (unique for us anyway) post-production process, so it took a little longer than usual.

But it’s here now! So why not just kick back and enjoy it?

In fact, why not just kick back and enjoy it at various locations on the web. Sure, you can always enjoy it at lifefromtheinside.com, but you can also see it on YouTube, Revver, Blip, or any number of fantastic websites! And while you’re there, why not rate and comment? We would seriously love you for it.

Anyway, as you may have noticed, this episode if a bit different from the others. We shot it in HD. But the differences don’t stop there! Oh no! We’re also releasing each part one week apart! And Episode 6 has been split into 4 parts instead of just three. That’s like a whole part better! Plus, as you’ll see next week, each subsequent part of Episode 6 will include a little “previously on…” intro.

Fancy.

We begin shooting on Episode 7 this coming Sunday. So watch for that soon too! We promise, it won’t take us a small forever to get that episode up. And it’s a good one.

But watch Episode 6 Part 1 now, and when you’re done, go ahead and watch the previous ones. There are only five others. At 24 minutes apiece. You have 2 hours to spare, right?

Sure you do.


Fun Fact: This post was cribbed from my post at the LFTI Blog. What I won't do at the LFTI blog is beg you to go to YouTube and subscribe rate and comment. Sure, I'll suggest that you do, but I won't beg.

However, this isn't the LFTI Blog. This is my blog. And I'm not above begging here.

PLEASE go to YouTube and subscribe, rate and comment! Please!

We need you!

That's a fact.

Leap!

Look at this! A new post! I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve written anything here, but I do think about posting all the time. Isn’t that enough?

The impetus for my foray back into the blogosphere is Leap Day. 40-year-olds everywhere are tricking themselves in to believing they’re only turning 10 today.

I’ve had this blog for quite a while (I’ve been neglecting it for quite a while as well), but leap day only comes around every four years and I couldn’t let this one go without pointing at it and saying “hey look, it’s Leap Day!”

As you may or may not know, quirks of the Gregorian calendar don’t exist unless I recognize them in print.

So enjoy your leap day. Leap! …or something.

It’s a vague request. But then I find the term “Leap Day” to be kind of vague itself. “Leaping” implies some kind of rigorous jump forward (although I suppose you can leap backwards too - if your knees are facing the wrong way). But a Leap Day is most certainly not a “leap” of any sort. In fact, it’s almost the opposite. It’s a catch-up day. A time-stopper. It’s slo-mo on a cosmic scale. Since we’ve adopted this imperfect Gregorian system (just say “no” to the metric calendar), and since we love it as we do, it’s something that must be done. And like every other crazy thing we humans do to compensate for a screwed up system, it should be celebrated.

I case you’re the freak that thinks we should do away with the Gregorian system altogether, I have two words for you: Metric. System. No one (in America anyway) wanted to change that for two reasons:

1. The way the system is now, we have lots of excuses for ignorance (I still have to think pretty hard about how many ounces go into a cup. And as for how many cups make up a gallon? Forget it. That’s what Google is for). But with a metric system everything is in tens. Nice and simple. If you can’t convert measurements utilizing the metric system, you’re an idiot.

2. Hardware stores everywhere would be sitting on thousands of promotional yard sticks (they still give those away right?).

Anyway, how to celebrate Leap Day? Well, since it’s a day designed to reconcile an imperfect system, why not use this day to reconcile things in your life? Apologize for some stupid crap you did to someone else. Or reconcile with yourself. Use today to allow yourself to feel okay that you’ve not even made a dent in your student loans, much less have gotten anywhere near having the job you went to college for. It’s okay.

Because Leap Day is also about procrastination. So, do what I do: Nothing. Tomorrow everything will be back on track. You can just sit at home and stare at your watch and wait (while you’re at it, you can figure out how to program your watch for the Leap Day).

Whatever you do, just be mindful that every 400 years, you’ll have to do it twice.

Happy Leap Day!


Fun fact: In the European Union, Leap Day was officially recognized as February 29th in the year 2000.

And I have in my possession the sixth episode of Life From The Inside! Yeah! We shot the damned thing last July! It will - finally - be coming very soon!

And…I’ve been blogging so long that I have an old Leap Day post for you to read! Special! It’s here.

Writer’s Strike Got You Down?

Well, the good folks at NewTeeVee have a list of quality shows that can help you make it through the dark days. No longer will you have to suffer through hours of “reality” TV. There are plenty of fantastic web shows out there to satiate you.

One show in particular stood out to us at Life From The Inside…our own. That’s right, we made the list! Yeah us.

So why not go over to NewTeeVee and give them some love? While you’re there, why not check out some of the other shows that they mention? Break a leg (a personal favorite of mine), Mr. Deity, The Meth Minute, Buried Alive and, uh…Quarterlife. Don’t feel obligated to watch Quarterlife, unless you really miss Dawson’s Creek, then by all means, watch it (quietly).

But especially don't forget to watch our show! Life From The Inside. It's always on!

Thanks NewTeeVee!


Fun Fact: I appreciate the irony of the fact that the writers are striking because of Internet “broadcasting” and the cure for any strike-related misery is Internet “broadcasting.” But, hey. Watch them anyway.

And yes, I cribbed this post from my other post at the Life From The Inside blog. So sue me.

Have a Swingin' Christmas

And a very, very, very hap'nin New Year!

Here's a little video that we (Katr Producer-type-people) made for the holidays. Just some extra split screen fun. Since the Amber Turnipseed video was such a blast to make, we decided to do another in a similar vein (we won the Turnipseed competition by the way).

Hope you like it!



Happy Holidays!

You can also see the video on YouTube. Please feel free to rate and comment! it would be the perfect Christmas gift!


Fun Fact: This song was recorded by Tanya and myself for our 2004 Christmas Album titled "Tanya and Robb; the Greatest Holiday Songs Ever Written...by them this year."

Look for it at record stores everywhere!

Seriously, keep your eye out. If you see a copy of this album in a record store, let me know because that record store is breaking the law!

My Grandma

My Grandmother passed away yesterday.

She was a wonderful woman.

I’ll confess to you that I didn’t know her all that well. I haven’t seen her in a long time. She lived in Florida. But all the memories that I have of her are of a woman who was always kind, warm and loving.

I got to see her a lot more when I was a kid. Every summer my dad would take us on a road trip from West Virginia to Florida (or Georgia, depending on where she lived at the time). Mostly, I remember her from her Tallahassee days.

For me, when I was young, Tallahassee was a few things:

It was the capital of Florida (still is, though that’s not a very personal association, but true nonetheless).

Tallahassee was a couple weeks spent sneaking into a condo complex near my grandparent’s home so that us kids could swim for free (one time my sister did a belly flop off the diving board at one of the three pools in the complex (the “no kids” pool if memory serves), the sheer force of which, doubtlessly aided by ignoring the 30-minute rule of eating and swimming, caused her to vomit. On dark days I am still haunted by the image of beanie-weenies bobbing in chlorinated water. An unnatural sight. 1000 parts water, 20 parts chlorine and one can of condensed soup situated strategically under the diving board, waiting to ensnare any hapless idiot who didn’t look before he leapt. My dad’s solution to this particular dilemma was to just have us quietly leave that pool and go another one in the complex.)

Tallahassee was morning walks with my grandpa to get the paper (and, if I was lucky, stop off at McDonalds).

Tallahassee was a huge old tree. The oldest tree in the city (at least from what I remember). Just around the corner from my grandparent’s house. Dripping with Spanish moss.

But Tallahassee was mostly my grandma. And food. Not that I could ever separate the two. Grandma was food. Great food. Southern food. Comfort food.

A child’s palate isn’t very sophisticated. Hell, I used to put sugar on my frosted flakes. But even I knew that my Grandma was one hell of a cook. I remember cornbread. I remember some dishes that I couldn’t for the life of me tell you what they were. But they were delicious. I have an August birthday, and we would end up in Tallahassee for more than a few of them (I had one in a caboose at McDonalds!), so I remember a lot of cake. Fantastic cake.

I’ve always been a little curious about cooking. Probably because I like to eat so much (I especially did when I was a kid). One time I asked my Grandma to show me how to cook something.

Grandma taught me how to fry grits. Yes, she was that southern.

It’s not a huge trick to fry grits. You basically take any leftover grits that you have (or make a new batch specifically for the purpose, but what’s the fun in that?), press them flat in a pan and put the pan in the fridge until the grits congeal into a pasty substance. Once the grits have reached the consistency of set mortar, cut the grits into small bricks and fry them in butter until they’re golden brown and heated through. Serve with maple syrup.

If that description didn’t get your mouth watering, you’ve obviously never had them. They’re simple, warm, surprisingly fantastic and entirely comforting.

Just like my Grandma.

Like I said, my Grandma was food. She was her own food. And if you ever had the unparalleled pleasure of eating any of the dishes that my Grandma prepared, you would know that there is no better compliment than that.

I’ll miss you, Grandma.

I love you.

ROBB

Some News

Hey, I’m back from Washington State and family fun. I only gained 8 lbs, so I’m back to where I started! Yeah! Anyway, I have some news involving the sitcom and since I already posted it over at the LFTI blog and my blogging fingers are tired (both of them)…

A repost from the LFTI Blog (written by me):

Hello Lifties, Robb here to tell you that it’s been an exciting Thanksgiving season. Is there a Thanksgiving season? I hope so since I said there was earlier (see above) and I hate to look like an idiot (not that it doesn’t happen all the time, but I don’t have to like it!) If not, it doesn’t matter since it’s over now.

All that aside, we’ve been featured on YouTube! That’s right the YouTube! “But, Robb” you say, “I’ve been to YouTube thousands of times over the Thanksgiving holiday break in order to get away from my family and especially creepy uncle Ted who keeps insisting that the 60s sexual revolution never really died – almost too adamantly – and I haven’t seen LFTI featured on the front page at all.”

Well, first I’d reply “why do you use such long rambling sentences when you speak?” and then I’d tell you that you’re right. We haven’t been featured on the front page…yet. The front page of YouTube is still pretty much reserved for Weblebrities, sleepy pets and Canadian music videos. But we have been featured on the “Entertainment” page. It’s in the “Catagories” section. It’s behind a yellow dumpster at the back of an ally just off the secondary road to the main highway of…look, why don’t I just give you the link:

http://youtube.com/categories_portal?c=24&e=1


There, now you can find it.

Please, feel free to go to the Episode 4 (Part 1 of 3) page and rate it! Comment too! We could use all the support we can get. Episode 3 has already been featured and we got some nice comments. But as with everything on the Internet, there are those who like to show the world just how insipid they can be. So why not go to the page and show everyone that our viewers can actually string a proper sentence together (you don’t have to spell correctly though, just pretend that you’re a nice foreigner).

Here’s Episode 4 (Part 1 of 3):

http://youtube.com/watch?v=HCPGUMho56o

We also have entered the Break a Leg “Very First Contest” Contest with our own special love letter to Amber Turnipseed.

Confused? Maybe this’ll clear things up:




That didn’t really help much did it? No. But it is cute right? Sure it is. As LeVar Burton used to say on Reading Rainbow, “But don’t take my word for it.”

Here’s an article from Tilzy.tv to back up my claim:

Tilzy.tv article about the contest.

Okay, they didn’t say it was “cute” per se, but what do you want from me?! They liked it! And if you like it too, go ahead and comment and rate it on YouTube.

“But, Robb” you say again, asking too many questions, “I need a YouTube account to rate and comment don’t I? Won’t I look stupid having an account since I don’t make videos?”

Well, yes you do need an account. And no, you won't look stupid. The simple fact is that most people who have YouTube accounts don’t actually make videos. Actually, I’ve found that the ones who don’t make videos like to criticize the harshest and yell the loudest. So why not become a non-video-making commenter with a conscience? Turn this ship around? You can do it! It’s easy. Nice people rarely look stupid.

Anyway, that’s the news from here. I’m working on the music for Episode 6, we have another short in the works and we’re starting pre-production on Episode 7! Look for all that soon, but not too soon, we have to keep up standards around here. Rugbnumba8 had this to say “this is absolutely the worst acting i have ever seen. ive seen better acting in my high school plays.” And Bubutkin commented, “Slapstick shtick. I didn't know or care about any of the characters in it. Totally overacted. What was the story even about?” (note to Bubutkin: I'm sorry that our sitcom wasn't serious enough for you. Maybe we'll have someone contract AIDS in the second season?)

Don’t you think it’s time you added your two cents (neither of those guys make videos either)?

I do have a question though, what the hell happened to Rugbnumbas 1 through 7? Was that screen name really so popular that this jackass had to settle for being #8? Is there a Japanese cartoon out there that I don’t know about?

Hmmm.

ROBB (TAM)

Happy Halloween!

I was a voracious trick-or-treater. For a long time. I mean, all the way through high school. There are some people out there who say “a high school kid a little old to be trick-or-treating.”

I know. I met about 10 of them on the last Halloween that I ever went trick-or-treating.

Rude. Rude people. Can’t a 16-year-old get some free candy?! A high school kid is to old to go door-to-door and pick up some free chocolate?! Oh my! Trick-or-treating is for kids but put some free cubes of Salisbury steak in tiny paper cups at Costco and suddenly these same self-righteous jerks are like a bunch of kindergartners at snack time!

Okay, I’m still a little bitter. But those bastards left some scars. I’ve always gone out of my way to avoid any kind of humiliation. That includes dressing up at Halloween. The only reason I put myself out there like that was because of the candy. I was a fat kid who loved candy. Is that a crime?

(Come to think of it, the jerk adults might have mostly taken issue with my “costume.” But in all fairness, all it takes to be a bandit is a bandana, right? I mean, is there any other distinguishing article of clothing? Cowboy boots? Did bandits only exist in the old west? No. And, yes, that’s where I got the idea from for the Halloween short).

I say that the “adults” were jealous. And they had every right to be. I was having fun! I was getting free candy.

Free!

Candy!

So I’m telling you, no matter how old you are, you should go trick-or-treating. Go tonight. Don’t feel old.

Go.

If you don’t, you’ll never know the thrill of being told you’re a loser for wanting someone else to buy your candy for you.

Better yet, don’t dress up. Screw that. How many years have you been dressing up without going trick-or-treating? Office parties? Community block parties? Demonic orgies? Haven’t you dressed up enough? Haven’t you built up enough “candy equity” over the years? That’s right, you have. So get out there, explain to whomever answers the door what your philosophy is and get some candy!

The Anthropomorphic Cop says, “You’ve earned it.” Also, “look both ways before crossing the street and never steal another person’s candy bag, it’s not nice….and I’ll shoot you.”


Fun Fact: The Halloween episode is still online (and don’t forget that episode 5 of the sitcom is also terrifying!). Watch them! But start with the Halloween special “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Mason.”

Also, I did the research, but there are still two inaccuracies in the Halloween special. Can you find them? No, they have nothing to do with transvestites. And yes, a Gaff is a real thing. Look it up. Especially at work!

You Say You Want a Resolution

Well, you know…we all want to change the world.

[Okay, up front, I stole this post from the LFTI blog. But I wrote it so I felt like I could. I'm a lazy blogger.]

It turns out that resolution(s) are not just for the New Year, because last time I checked, it was still October (although, as old as I am now, I’ll blink and it’ll be August again).

I suppose my point here is that…we have added “Hi-Resolution” versions of every episode! Yeah! Now, when you subscribe to iTunes, you won’t have to sit and watch crappy recomressed files!

(Okay, I just want to take a second here to let you know that we do indeed have a proper iTunes page now! I was afraid that they’d let us twist in the wind, but they didn’t. Good ‘ol Apple. Maybe they’d feature us if they knew that we do the entire show on a Mac? I dunno. But I wanted to say that you can subscribe to us through the iTunes store now. We’re under Podcasts/Comedy. Just search for “Life From The Inside.” You may have to look closely, but we’re there! Although Episode 4 seems to be missing at the moment...)(Right, back to the post)

Yes, thanks to blip.tv (seriously, one of the best sites on the Internet. Go there and give them some love – and tell them to feature us!) we now have super-high quality versions of each and every episode.

I can’t stress enough how different your viewing experience will be when you watch the hi-resolution files. You’ll notice stuff like subtle facial expressions, set decorations…actors.

Gone are the days of feeling like you’re watching our show in a Saharan sand storm. Say “goodbye” to tinny, indiscernible musical cues and lines. Say “hello” to the era of noticing audio edits, boom shadows and crap that we accidentally forget to remove from the kitchen.

Yes, the videos are that high quality. But don’t let the boom shadows frighten you, the show is – dare I say – 200 times more enjoyable when you can see stuff (that’s a scientifically proven fact…trust me…don’t research it).

The files have not been changed for episode 5, but episodes 1-4 are new and looking great. They’re also looking huge. So when you click on the “watch in hi-resolution” button on the respective episode’s page, give it a moment to load before you watch. I case you forget we’ve included a gentle reminder on each page.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that there is a new feature on lifefromtheinside.com.

Quality.

I’ll leave you with some thumbnails that I made to upload to blip.tv. They’re tiny on Blip, so I figured I’d show you a few here. I did make them after all, you might as well look at them.

ROBB








TAM's “Mason Moment” brought to you by Life From The Inside:

My computer wants me to capitalize the word “Internet.” I’m sure it’s proper. Why would my computer lie? But I’m not very comfortable with the idea. At best, it makes me feel like the Internet is a person or a proper place (Like “The Louvre” not like “the bathroom”), at worst, it makes me feel like I should worship it.

Maybe I’d feel better if we stopped capitalizing “God?” Maybe we should stop capitalizing the Louvre while we’re at it…or people’s names. Don’t people have big enough egos already?

Damn you Internet! Who do you think you are anyway? Free porn does not a deity make, pal.

It’s the Great Pumpkin, Kids!

Halloween is nipping at our heels…no, wait, Halloween can’t be nipping at our heels right? That would insinuate that it was coming up on us from behind, wouldn’t it?

Halloween is nipping at our…noses. Like Jack Frost. But instead of just taking a little nibble, Halloween wants to eat your face off!

Let’s just say that Halloween is almost here. There. That works for me.


And is there a better way to celebrate one of the best and most demonic (unrelated) holidays then by making a short special for internet distribution? No. There is no better way to celebrate this holiday. If the only thing you do to celebrate is dress up in a costume and give out candy, then you’re lame, sir. Lame.

Okay, I shouldn’t get so down on you. Especially since I would like you to watch LFTI’s Halloween special “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Mason!” It’s showing on better browsers everywhere! You can see it here.

And don't forget to watch it in "Hi-Resolution." Just click on the link when you get to the page!

We actually shot this short sometime in early-to-mid July. Not very “Octobery” I know. But a necessity. Let’s just say that it was very hot. Very, very hot. It reminded me why we don’t have Halloween in the summertime. No one wants to wear a complicated costume in the summer. I mean, apart from Live Action Role Playing Gamers. But they’re a little bizarre anyway.

We had one special guest star for this short. A very special guest star indeed. The irrepressible Zoe Archer. She’s a published novelist! Check out her stuff on Amazon.com. We cast her because she is a published novelist and not because she is short. Author, yes. Short, no. (You should definitely pick up a copy of Lady X’s Cowboy. It’ll enhance your enjoyment of a short that we will be releasing in the future…okay, the short doesn’t have much to do with the novel, but the book does play a major role).

Anyway, go and check out the new short. While you’re there, if you find yourself saying “man, this is a well functioning page that this short is hosted on” – and I’m sure you will – I just wanted to let you know that I made it. Yes, I have taken up website maintenance. I can copy and paste like a mo-fo.


Fun Fact: Someday, someone will come up to you and say “Don’t be a pansy, it doesn’t hurt that much to be pelted with eggs. They’re eggs! How badly could they hurt?”

The answer is…they hurt plenty.

That’s a fact.

It's Alive!

There’s Big Doin’s around here!

Well, maybe not around here. But over at lifefromtheinside.com there’s big doin’s.

Some of you may have already discovered that episode 5 is online. But it really hasn’t been “official” just yet. We never put it on the website. Why? Because we were waiting for the new and super-duper-spectacularly-improved website to go up!

And it’s up!

Here are a couple screenshots to whet your appetite.




Doesn’t that make you want to go there?

So why not take a minute to got to lifefromtheinside.com and poke around. If you’ve already seen our fabulous new episode (episode 5), and all of our other episodes for that matter, then just wander and look at the sights. Like a tourist. Don’t forget your camera.

The new website is by our great friend and web diva Lauren. You could take some time out and go to her site as well. Let her know what a great job she’s done.

If you haven’t seen all of our episodes, then watch them for crying out loud!

The new site has many exciting features. The most exciting being that you can now watch a “high resolution” version of our shows (well, Episode 5 anyway…the others aren’t up just yet). Just click on “Episode 5” on the “episodes” page and then click on the “watch in hi-resolution” link. A popup will be your window to higher quality, stereo goodness.

Also, I’ve included a new banner to the sidebar of this blog to direct people to the sitcom. Why not click on it and see if it works?!

The new website also includes a blog. The old website had a blog too, we just didn’t ever use it. But we will now. I promise. There are also comments for each section of each episode. Don’t be afraid to use them.

Exciting!


Fun Fact: Adam and I started cutting together another short last night. I don’t want to give anything away but, lately, I’ve been trying to learn how to play the piano like Vince Guaraldi (not an easy task, especially since I seem to be woefully uncoordinated).

It will be up in time for Halloween!

Prepare for a Scare

I’ve resorted to rhyming. But there’s nothing better than a trite rhyme to excite an audience, is there?

Well, perhaps.

But the fact of the matter is that Episode 5 of “Life From The Inside” is almost here! That’s right! The wait is “almost” over!

What can you expect, you ask? Mayhem. Mostly mayhem. Almost complete mayhem, as it turns out.

This episode is slightly different in feel than the previous episodes. Due mostly to the fact that it’s completely horrifying! And not just because I’m fat in the episode, although that is pretty horrifying.

This episode is best viewed with the lights out. As is, coincidentally, my physique.

We shot this episode exclusively at night, which is why – from time to time – we look exhausted. Three overnight shoots. There’s something about burning the midnight oil that appeals to me. Maybe it’s because I usually go to bed at 10:00. Staying up late makes me feel like a super-rebel. A super-rebel or a degenerate. Take your pick. They’re both cool.

Here’s a preview of things to come (in crappy screen capture form):












Pretty tantalizing eh? And scary!

A Catholic priest? Guy’s weird face? Eric strangling Jennifer? A weird little dude wearing striped pants? Kate and Ashleigh getting their respective grooves on? And is Mason cuddling with Jennifer on the sofa?

What a tease.

When will the episode be available to view? Soon. Very, very soon. The “official” announcement is forthcoming. In the meantime, have some patience. And whatever you do, don’t look at the “episodes menu bar on the right side of the page.” Don’t do it! There’s nothing to officially see there!

Why not visit the website and sigh? That sounds fun.

I’ve been working on some musical extras for lifefromtheinside.com. Maybe those will be up soon? Some music from the Grocery Delivery Dude short and Episode 5, as well as the full version of the song “Dream Girl” from Episode 4! Fun!


Fun Fact: Tonight is the night that Tanya, Vince and I go to Knott’s Scary Farm with the master of macabre (theme parks) Stephen (see weird little dude wearing striped pants above)!

It’s going to be great! If you haven’t gone to Knott’s Scary Farm…go. You’re missing out if you don’t.

The End is Near

There are a few things by which you can measure your life. Milestones. Unseen flags planted along a curving path that, once crossed, let you know that a distance has been traveled.

Birth. (a gimme really)

Driver’s license.

Porn movie rental.

Legally purchased Mad Dog 20/20. (and subsequent government sanctioned hangover)

College graduation.

30.

Yesterday, I crossed another of these milestones.

I was sitting at my desk here at home, editing episode 5 of the sitcom (check out episodes 1-4 at lifefromtheinside.com), when I got wind of the distinct scent of burning sulfur. Seeing as how I don’t life anywhere near an oil refinery, I was a bit concerned. My first thought whenever I smell anything that smells even slightly “fiery” is always that something has—well—caught fire. My imagination immediately begins to conjure up images of the building ablaze. A wall of flame threatening my neighbors, their only hope; my heroic action, my superior sulfur-sniffing schnoz.

But when I got to my front window to check it out, all I found were two kids sitting on the bottom of my steps.

I could tell they were up to no good; they had all the telltale signs of being 10-year-old punks:

1) They were 10 years old.

2) They were kids.

3) They both had that 10-year-old punk-ass haircut. You know the hair I’m talking about. I call it the “Blond Boy-Princess Cut.” Highlights and shine that a tween pop diva would stop purging for. They looked like they just got fired off their stunt-double jobs on “The Suite Life of Zach and Cody.” Hair that says “I’m a bad-ass motherfucker” to other kids, too young to appreciate the irony.

I really knew they were dumbshits when I saw the bigger of the two toss a spent stink bomb into the street (I knew I recognized that smell!). I watched them for a little while longer as they threw some other crap into my driveway, had some inane—yet dramatic—convo and fired off some text messages on their Sidekick. (Seriously, why the hell do 10-year-olds need a freaking Sidekick?!)

Finally, the bigger one produced a blue marker from his pocket and I needed a cigarette.

I stood downstairs in my driveway and talked to Tanya on the phone. The kids stayed put at the bottom of the stairs. I half watched them. I should have busted them for throwing garbage into my driveway, but I hate confrontation, even if I’m twice the size of both of them out together. So I decided to relax about it.

I hung up with Tanya and headed back upstairs. The kids graciously move two inches each to let me by.

That’s when I saw it.

The little shit had tagged my bottom step!

I stood behind them for a few moments weighing my legal options before saying anything. These days you have to. You just can’t go around disciplining other people’s kids anymore. In fact, you should probably think twice before talking to them.

But when they felt my contempt busting a hole in the backs of their heads, they slowly turned around.

“Hey, why don’t you clean that shit off my step?”

And with that utterance, I entered a new chapter in my life. The chapter that begins: “I’ll have the strained peas please.”

I’m officially an old man.

I know I’ve said that before, but this time it’s indisputable. Because I didn’t just say “hey, why don’t you clean that shit off my step.”

I stood there while the kid did it.

Albeit, not without a fight.

“I didn’t do that!”

“Yes you did, I saw the blue marker in your pocket. Blue writing. Blue marker. I cracked the code.”

“I didn’t, but if you insist on blaming me, I’ll clean it up.”

“Dude,” I said dude. I may be an old man, but I’m not going quietly, damnit! “Dude, I’m not an idiot. Just clean the shit off my stairs. This place is a big enough shithole without you writing all over it.” I swore a lot just to let the kids know that I’m cool as hell. Because that’s oh so very important.

So the kid grabbed the nearby hose, while I and his princess-boy buddy watched, and he scrubbed the writing off the step with his shirtsleeve.

“Okay, that’s good enough.” There was still some blue left but not much. After all, why humiliate the kid any further because of some blue stains when the owners are barely keeping the entire staircase safe enough to walk on in the first place?

And with a hearty, “Now get the hell out of here.” It was done.

Am I a hypocrite? I had no respect for other people’s property. I tagged crap when I was a kid (with un-washable spray paint! I blame the movie “Beat Street”).

But you know why I stopped? Because some old, out-of-touch, killjoy fucker yelled at me for it.

To everything turn, turn, turn...

My hip hurts.


Fun Fact: When I was 10, my friends and I decided to make a fort—on the roof of the Public Library. When the cops showed up to bust us, we ran and hid in an ally.

The only problem was that the ally was right behind the police station.

Kids are dumb.



This picture is an artists rendering of the actual library mentioned above. Why no real picture, you ask? Well, this is the only one I could find online. Evidently, they don’t trust cameras in Wheeling, WV. They think they steal your “coal.”

They are a confused and superstitious coalmining people.