Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Am I Blue? Oh God No!

So, they were on the news again this morning. Of course, I’m talking about twin sister racist pop supergroup “Prussian Blue.” Debutants of dislike. Sweeties of stupidity. Princesses of…uh…Prussianousness.

These aren’t your typical brainwashed white supremest kids. No! Sure, they prefer the term “racialist” to the more sinister “racist.” Sure, they spout the same asinine tripe that their parents have been spitting out all their lives. But unlike most racist twins, these girls play their own instruments!


Well, since the girls are fighting to save the white man’s racial identity, and since I’m a white man, I figured that I should check these girls out and see how well they’re waving the banner for my skin color.

I mean, I’ve got people looking after every other part of me. My masculinity’s covered in spades. We men have people like Tom Lycus, Howard Stern, Adam Carolla and various other questionably talented people to raise the flag for men everywhere.

My brain has been well cared for. Barbara Bush was kind enough to keep it off drugs and Bill Clinton worked his ass off to make sure my brain could go to college at reasonable interest rates (a mute point now…thanks for nothing George Bush, you dickhead).

So, with my brain and testicles in good hands, I popped over to Lynx and Lamb’s (those are the girls’ names in Prussian Blue) web site to see how the custodians of my skin color are doing.

I’ve got to say, I’m disappointed. Never mind that they’re both ignorant, uneducated hate-mongers, but – they suck!

Yeah. They suck. They claim to be representing the entire “white race” and they can’t stop to make sure that they’re writing songs that don’t stink on ice? They do claim to be musicians after all.

I have a little advice for everyone who’s ever tried to make the argument that their race is genetically superior:

If you’re going to put yourself up as the example, try not to be a complete waste of space. Please?

I understand how difficult it can be to find a good example of a racist. It’s a paradox. By qualifying, you’re disqualified.

But, Prussian Blue, at least write your hate songs with a good “hook.” Every great song needs a hook. You can’t just subsist on hate for your entire career. It’s a one trick pony.

The Prussian Blue web site (which I won’t link to here, but if you really want to find it, it’s easy) claims that their latest and second album has the potential to cross over in to mainstream alternative rock. Not likely. The samples that I’ve heard from it are pretty hard to listen to.

In fact, I must admit that I prefer “vintage” Prussian Blue. Their old stuff is better. No, it’s not good. But it’s better. It’s got more blatant “hate” which, let’s face it, is what you look for in a Prussian Blue song. Plus it has a homemade, down homey, little girls with guitars and violins, innocent, let’s lynch us some black folk and go to a picnic quality to it that could be endearing if your ears would stop bleeding long enough for you to regain equilibrium.

In all the years that I’ve been alive there have been hundreds upon hundreds of people who have stepped forward to carry the banner for my skin color. And none of them has done a good job. It just strengthens my belief that my skin color doesn’t really need a banner. It’s doing just fine without one. It sits there, covering my body, being all “white” and all. My skin doesn’t even seem to care that it’s white. It changes color in the summer. And that seems disrespectful if you ask me. So, screw my skin color! If it can’t be bothered to take “pride” in itself then why the hell should I?! What has my skin color done historically speaking anyway? It never won a war. It never painted the ceiling of a church. It never went to the moon. It just hung around while those things happened.

I hate my skin color! I hate all skin colors!

Lazy-ass, good-for-nothing color!

Prussian Blue can have my skin color. Just as long as they promise to never make another album ever again for the rest of their sad, hate-filled lives.

Fun Fact: Prussian Blue also has a blog on Blogspot! Cool. I clicked a link to another racist heavy metal band called Battlecry. It’s actually a little bit better. The production quality is better, that is.

But I tell you – after listening to this music all morning – if you’re going to listen to this stuff too, take an antacid or something because, honestly, it’ll turn your stomach.

Unless you’re a RACIST!


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