Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Disabled Vet Please Help $$$ God Bless

I wasn't going to post today. But I got an update email from a company about a product that someday I hope to buy. I speak of course of the Vienna Symphonic Library of sampled instruments. It's a bunch of note samples from various symphonic instruments, painstakingly recorded and presented for easy use by most sampling software.

First, I need to get a new computer and set aside 550 gigabytes of space for the library. There are over 800,000 samples in all. Then I need to raise about $11,000 to buy the library itself.

So, I guess what I'm saying you have $11,000 I can have?

If so, please leave a comment. I would be more than happy to pay you back by writing a song for you (p.s. I would like the "Symphonic Cube" thanks).


Fun Fact: You can listen to what other (very talented) people have done using these samples. Go here. Click on the "open" button. I recommend "Journey Down Rabbit Lane." Lame title, cool tune.

Don't be afraid to listen to the songs. It's classical music. Very nice. And remember that these songs were performed using nothing but instrument samples complied together note-by-note on a computer.

Symphony Orchestras aren't obsolete...yet.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

And This is My Youngest Brother who we Just Call Pansy-Ass

Is this the way you introduce your youngest brother? If so, your parents probably had a lot of boys. There is a new study out that seems to show that the more full-blooded older brothers a man has, the more likely he is to be gay.

Oh, and if you introduce your youngest brother like that you’re also a homophobic jerk. He’s your brother. Show a little respect for the guy. He doesn’t introduce you as his older asshole (at least not while you’re around anyway).

Incidentally, the picture above is from “My Three Sons.” Which begs the question, why the hell did they need this study? Wasn’t “Ernie” proof enough?

Okay, you know what? I didn’t really want to post about this today. Well, I did, but I changed my mind a little while ago. Steve was nice enough to give this blog a shout out yesterday. He liked my Old School blog post. He even linked to a letter that he wrote to himself in 1990. It’s great. Go here and read it.

I was inspired to find an old note that I wrote to my girlfriend in high school. I also have one that I wrote to another (later in high school) girl that I liked. I don’t have a lot of notes that I wrote to girls in high school because…well…I gave the notes to them. I suppose I could have said “hey, baby, you know I love you like the moon loves to shine, but, when you’re done reading it, would it be possible for me to get that note back? You know, for posterity?”

I may have come off a bit arrogant if I had done that. Sure, I was arrogant, but no self-respecting teenager wants to look arrogant. So, all of my old masterpieces are now sitting at some girls house, with the exception of a couple that inexplicably never got delivered. Hopefully the girls kept the other notes I wrote. Most of them probably didn’t. I kept there’s! (some of them) Maybe I’ll post them sometime…if I can ever find them.

So, instead of walking down memory lane today, I get to post about the gay child study.

The study suggests that a man's sexual orientation may be influenced by the conditions in his mother's womb when he was a fetus. I’m not sure how. Maybe after having so many boys, the mother’s womb tries to create a more inviting atmosphere for future residents by decorating with lacy curtains and frilly throw pillows thus dooming any future males to a lifetime of Republican oppression (but possibly creating ├╝ber-women as well)?

Man, I really wish that I could find those old notes.

Anyway, back to the study. The question of “Nature v Nurture” has been raging for years now…

You know, I bet that I put them in the storage closet downstairs. But it’s a real pain in the ass to get into that thing. I have to climb all over my dirty car and dig past all the Christmas decorations…

Tell you what, let’s just agree that gay men are born and not “turned” and leave it at that. After all, we don’t say that people “turn” heterosexual. To say that homosexuality and heterosexuality are somehow different “urges” is simply asinine.

Let us also agree that this study, with its scope and funding, answers another important question.

Yes, it’s true…no one cares about lesbians. In fact, I’m starting to think that they don’t really exist outside of a “raging kegger” setting anyway.

Who cares. I’m distracted. I’m going to try to find those notes.

Fun Fact: I’m the oldest child in my family. If my parents had liked each other more and had a couple more sons, I could have been a “gay maker!”

Man, I miss out on everything.

See, kids. Divorce hurts everyone.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Power Hungry!

Electricity. Sweet, sweet electricity. You don’t know what it means to you until it’s gone. So, Electricity, let us never fight again.

Yup, the power went out in the apartment last night at midnight. It didn’t come back until noon today. But did the lack of a functioning computer stop me from blogging?

Hell no. I’m hardcore.


This is what blogging looked like before the internet:

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Ripped from the Comments Section

Just like Law and Order! Kevin made a great comment on the post from yesterday and I was simply going to respond to it in the comments section. But my response would have been really large and I would have probably had to split it in two. So, I decided to turn the whole thing into a post. Why not? I’ve got to post about something, right?

Here goes. Here’s what Kevin had to say:

I can understand a non-Christian not wanting to hear the rantings of somebody who acknowledges Jesus as part of their life. But why is it that it's always Christians that bring their faith into daily life? You never hear about a Muslim acknowledging Allah at graduation or a Hindu thanking Buddha for continued strength. It's just an observation. Maybe they do and the press just doesn't cover it. I don't know. Personally, if I were at a graduation and someone started talking about how Buddha has helped them through trials and tribulations, it really wouldn't bother me. Good for them. Glad he helped ya out. Maybe other "Christians" would be upset, but I don't think I would. I don't believe in Buddha. He's never helped me. But I don't think it would upset me if someone else talked about him. Buddha doesn't threaten my beliefs. To me, that wouldn't infringe on freedom of speech. For some reason, Christianity evidently infringes on some peoples' ideas of freedom of speech. I'm not judging or complaining. Simply making an observation. Like I said, I can understand others being upset. But for me, it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Now me:

I think the reason that I’m most upset is that this girl was told not to be specific about her faith. I’m sure that if she had said “my faith has been the thing that…blah, blah, blah…” then the event would have gone off without a hitch. But she wasn’t interested in sharing the fact that her faith is important to her in a personal way. She was more interested in testifying. Preaching the specifics of her belief system. Even though she was told not to. And I’m not one to do stuff just because someone told me not to (especially when I feel as if I’m being repressed by that someone), but…

Her actions made the graduation ceremony all about her. It was a selfish act of defiance. It was her opportunity to do what she wanted to do and damn the others. This was her graduation after all and nobody was going to tell her what “might” or “might not” offend her fellow classmates. And I’m pretty sure that there were more students in her graduating class than just her, right? How many of those other students were offended? I would have been. More because of this girl’s selfish behavior at my graduation than the actual words that came out of her mouth (does that make me selfish? Am I more selfish for not wanting to be offended than she is for not giving a damn?).

So how many students were actually offended? We don’t really know. Brittany McComb (the girl) doesn’t know. And furthermore, she doesn’t care. See, because in her mind, she’s right. She’s convinced of it. The question never crossed her mind. Yes, she told the administrators at the high school that she wouldn’t mention God in her speech and then later reneged. But, according to her, it was never a question of ethics…she was bullied into agreeing to their terms.

And that’s another frustrating part of this. How do you explain to someone that is so convinced that their beliefs are righteous, that other people may not agree? It’s impossible. And it’s not a noble task either. Destroying another person’s beliefs. It’s not admirable. That’s why these rules are in effect, so the debate doesn’t have to take place at someone’s high school graduation.

Kevin mentioned that he doesn’t hear a lot of people talk about Buddha and Allah at events such as this. That’s true. At least in this country it’s true. I’m sure that in the Middle East there’s a lot of Allah in people’s high school graduations (Allah is very popular at suicide bombings). In Tibet, they probably bandy Buddha’s name around quite a bit. The reason we don’t hear it much around here is that this is a very Christian-centric country. We all know that. As a non-Christian, I’m pretty darned aware of the fact.

And this is my point. Christians are always accusing us non-Christians of being too thin-skinned. What they don’t realize (actually, they do realize it, they just don’t care because they think that they’re “right”) is that by talking about Christianity at events that we non-believers have every right to be a part of, they are in essence excluding us. They are dividing the audience. They are taking away our common experience. As soon as God gets mentioned, I don’t belong anymore. And I’m not one to be a joiner, but if it was my high school graduation, I would want to feel like I was included whole-heartedly. That’s what ceremonies like this are for. That’s why kids go to these things (that’s also, incidentally, why I didn’t want to go to mine, but I did and It was pleasant). That’s why the kids all dress in the same robes and get the same diploma. It’s a collective right of passage. Bringing religion into what is essentially a non-religious event only works to polarize the group.

It would be the same if I had been the valedictorian on my graduating class (that would have never happened) and I had gotten up to give a speech only to start talking about how my faith in the absence of God and disbelief in the martyrdom of Jesus is what made me the top in my class. I would have been run out of there on a rail. Why? Because what I would have essentially been saying is that “I’m the top of my class because I’m smart enough to not be brainwashed by mythology.”

And one last thing about Brittany McComb. A good deal of people in the “Christian community” (whatever that means) are treating her as if she’s some kind of martyr for standing up to the oppressive, cold, God hating federal government. But after Jesus was nailed to the cross, him mom didn’t turn around and sue the Romans. If you’re going to play the martyr, then do it right or don’t do it at all.

Fun Fact: According to the US Geological Survey, dinosaurs first appeared around 230 million years ago.

What the USGS doesn’t know is that dinosaur bones were actually planted in the ground around 5000 years ago by God to test man’s faith.

Makes sense to me. Evolution is such a complicated process. So complicated that it’s nearly impossible to believe.

The God idea is way easier to swallow. I mean, we all know how to bury things.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Another Long Day

Is it just me or does this day feel like the longest one of the entire year?

Okay, I know that it’s not just me. It’s the Summer Solstice! The official beginning of summer and the longest day of the year. I should say that today contains the longest period of daylight of any other day of the year. The day is not actually any longer than any other day since, technically speaking, all days consist of 24 hours, no more, no less…that is, until the wacko scientists take over and start adding leap hours in order to make up for our flawed calendar and keep our global wristwatch synchronized with the rest of the universe. There’s nothing more embarrassing than being invited to an intergalactic event and showing up late because your planet is running a few years slow.

Anyway, it’s the Summer Solstice, a day when hippies everywhere head to the woods to sit in earthen Native American sweat lodges, suck down herbs and beat on drums to honor our earth mother.

Yeah for Summer Solstice.

Personally, my favorite thing about the Summer Solstice is that it’s all downhill from here on our way to autumn. The days can only get shorter. And for those of us who enjoy a long evening, that’s the best news.

Now for some irritating news.

I was watching the Today Show this morning and I saw a girl on there named Brittany McComb. She was the class valedictorian of Foothill High School in Henderson, Nevada. Since she was the class valedictorian, she was planning on giving a speech to the rest of her class about what made her the really smart and successful chick that she turned out to be.

Unfortunately, when she turned her speech over to school officials for review, there were a few problems. The speech had a number of references to God in it. There was one specific instance where she named Jesus as her lord and savior and a reference to God's love being so great that he gave his only son to suffer an excruciated death in order to cover everyone's shortcomings and forge a path to heaven. So the school officials, since they believe in the separation of church and state and said references were “faith specific”, told Brittany that she had to edit those parts of her speech or else she would not be allowed to address the school at graduation.

Brittany agreed.

But was that the end of it? Oh no. Brittany went ahead and said all that stuff anyway. Most of it went unheard however since the school pulled the juice from her microphone. Something they promised they would do if any of the speakers diverged from their approved speeches.

Now Brittany and her parents are hopping mad. They feel as if their right to free speech has been infringed upon (although, it was a school sponsored event and what people need to realize is that, yes, we all have the right to free speech, but we don’t have the right to use anyone else’s forum that we choose to). In fact, they’re so mad that they’re going to sue the school over it. And they’re sure that they’ve got God on their side.

One thing is for certain, they’ve got NBCs Campbell Brown on their side. Campbell was the reporter of the story. She thinks that Brittany is quite the little rebel. A rebel to be admired.

It’s nice to see that “journalists” are unbiased by their own religious beliefs.

I shouldn’t be too hard on Campbell though. After all, this report was on the Today Show. I don’t know what kind of hard-hitting journalism I was expecting.

But I have to tell you. I’m tired of having to deal with the child warriors in God’s army. I would no sooner take financial advice from a 18-year-old than I would take spiritual advice. Even if that 18-year-old was the freaking valedictorian of her graduating class.

When Brittany’s mic was cut off, others in her class booed. And I’m pretty damned sure that they weren’t booing because of infringements of free speech. They were upset that they couldn’t hear one of their own spread the gospel a little. They were upset because the big-bad people at the school were winning. It doesn’t matter what’s right.

Getting back to God’s chosen teenagers. There’s been a lot of press lately about high school students harassing science teachers about evolution and stuff. When I was in high school I can remember many rallies where groups of Christian kids showed up to picket for the right to pray in school.

I guess I’m just getting tired of the kids. I see no difference between the jerkass high school kid who makes his science teacher miserable and those little soldiers you see in third world countries. You know who I’m talking about. Those kids with the AK47s. Those poor little brainwashed children who are out on the front lines to fight for ideals that they can’t possibly comprehend.

And if you tell me that there’s a difference in their idealism, then back it up. Explain to me how the gun toting teens are any different than Brittany McComb. I’m not talking about their methods of expression. Obviously the kids who kill people are much worse. Brittany never killed anyone. I’m talking about their idealism.

I mean, is “brainwashing” only possible if the person that’s doing it has different values from yours?

Let me know.

In the meantime, would obnoxious teenagers just shut the hell up?! And if you refuse to, and if you’re going to continue to be obnoxious, at least say something new.

Fun Fact: You can see Brittany’s interview on the Today Show here. Click on the “Silenced Valedictorian Speaks Out” link (that’s one unbiased headline, baby). Listen to Brittany’s words of wisdom. Her parents are even smarter! I especially like her father’s liberal use of the word “ain’t.”

Monday, June 19, 2006

Bucking a Stereotype

West Hollywood has always been considered one of the more…liberal…cities around Los Angeles.

Almost as if they’re proving a point, the West Hollywood city council is voting whether or not to approve a resolution that would attempt to decriminalize the casual use of marijuana. The resolution is designed to encourage police officers to focus on more serious crimes than pot smoking. Crimes like crack smoking and the mutilation of people’s pet dogs’ ears.

Smoking pot would still be illegal in the city, especially if done on the streets. And dealers would still be pursued. But the days of SWAT teams breaking down people’s doors while they’re kicking back on a Saturday night will, the city hopes, be a thing of the past.

This will solve two problems: The first being that cops will no longer have to suffer debilitating foot injuries from all that door-kicking. And two, in West Hollywood anyway, “Saturday Night Live” just might be funny again.

But West Hollywood has always been on the cutting edge as far as “resolutions” go. And why not? It’s a cutting edge type of place. I mean, if you consider being a homosexual “cutting edge.” Which I don’t since homosexuality has been around since the dawn of man. So I just ruined my own argument, didn’t I? Well, tough tympanis. It’s my blog.

But I did want to bring attention to West Hollywood’s prominent gay community. It’s a fine community. Good people. And they keep the place very tidy.

West Hollywood is a place where gay people can walk freely, without fear of being considered “deviant.” And, believe me, these gay communities are important battlegrounds in the war against intolerance. The homosexual people of West Hollywood are sending a strong message that there’s nothing devious or depraved about being a gay person in this day and age.

There is dignity in being gay. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. Gays aren’t just viewed sex-starved freaks who like to dress up like sadomasochistic circus clowns to march in parades to Village People music and give reach-arounds while redecorating someone’s den.

Not any more. Those stereotypes are as tired as a lesbian’s Doc Martins.

Gone are the days when gay people had to relegate their sexual adventures to clandestine rendezvous in the back seat of a Prius parked in a darkened alley.

You can do that in the open now! Because in West Hollywood, they’ve already passed a resolution that has decriminalized having sex in parked cars.

Yes, folks, West Hollywood is that liberal. And classy too! The city council has sent a clear message here. Gay people like to have sex in cars! And that’s okay. It’s just what gay people do, right? They like to have sex in cars. And why shouldn’t they? It’s a gay ol’ time!

Man, the city council in West Hollywood is really making amazing strides in the way that gay people are viewed by the ignorant public. That’s just what the gay community needs, a hot beef injection of pure class. Good job, men!

But hey, I shouldn’t be too hard on the West Hollywood City Council for passing that “sex in cars” resolution.

I mean, they were probably stoned at the time.

Fun Fact: Congratulate Kevin on his recent mention in the Boston Globe! His parody of James Blunt’s “Beautiful” is getting some press. Right alongside Weird Al! That’s great for Kevin, but it’s good for me too. I did the music for Kevin’s version (I also did the camera work, and Tanya did the playback!)

Yeah me!

If you haven’t heard the tune lately or seen the video, watch it! It didn’t used to have my accompaniment on it but now it does. Taste the difference!

Friday, June 16, 2006

1000 Words

You know the old adage about a picture being worth a thousand words. I wonder if it still holds true today? Is there some kind of adjustment for the amount of megapixels? And what if your camera can record sound? Is a picture with sound worth more than a thousand words?

Does anyone really care? Does postulating such questions make a person seem “deep” or just desperate to sound philosophical? Or is the question-asker just trying desperately to put some words together to look clever and tell you about his new digital camera?

The answer is the latter.

Yes, Tanya and I bought a new camera. Its immediate purpose is to take pictures of our impending trip across the country. Its not-so-immediate purpose is none of your business.

Here’s a picture of the camera that I took with the camera.

It’s not the top of the line or anything, but I think it will serve its purpose quite admirably. I’ve been playing with it a little bit this morning. It’s easy to use. Its biggest advantage (one you can’t see in the picture) is that it has a good sized viewing screen on the back. It’s also nice and compact. Perfect for misplacing.

It was refurbished so we got it a good price. I records 5 megapixels. It also records (surprisingly good) video with (surprisingly good) sound. There’s a little mic on the front. Not a mic that I would ever record an album with, but it’ll definitely be able to do its job at my family reunion this summer.

Maybe when I get back I’ll make a sound collage of every one of my relatives saying to me, “what do you mean you’re only staying three days?!”

Fun Fact: Yesterday, as I mentioned yesterday, I tooled around the greater LA area doing some location scouting. I was lucky enough to have to go to the Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens. I had never been there before. If you haven’t been there, I suggest you go.

It’s gardeny!

Note: This picture was taken with the old camera, thus the slight focus problem. The new camera was one half a day late for my first scouting gig.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Hey Look Behind You! No, Really! There’s Something Behind You! Look!

See, that? That there is what we in the “biz” call “misdirection.” A way to draw your attention to something else while slight of hand is being performed right in front of you without you ever knowing.


You probably didn’t even notice that the blog post from yesterday has disappeared, did you? That’s because I was very sneaky about it. A good slight of hand artist never reveals his tricks, however.

It’s magic!

Also, I changed the TAM Cartoon again! Man, am I ever sneaky. Sure, you might be thinking to yourself “I would be a lot more impressed if this guy wasn’t such a dumbass.”

You would be right.

Fun Fact: Today I get to pretend that I’m a Location Scout. So I’m off to the four corners of the city to take pictures of various things.

If you know of any place around here with cool topiaries that look like animals and junk, let me know. I already know about the ones on the 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica.

Also, another fun fact: This is only the second time in the history of this blog that I’ve deleted anything. The first post I deleted was the very first one. I wish I hadn’t done that. Not because it was anything great, just for posterity. Don’t worry; yesterday’s post isn’t completely gone. It will live forever on my computer’s hard drive.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

It's Only Tuesday

My dad and brother are still visiting.

They leave on Wednesday...

Monday, June 12, 2006

A New Post

I don’t have time to write a proper post today. My father is in town with my brother, so I’m entertaining. Last week I was doing some work for a new show on HGTV. So, I apologize for having a boring blog of late.

But you’re going to just have to put up with it for a couple more days.

I’m basically writing this post simply because I’m sick of seeing that old post from last Monday. I’m sure you are too.

So, here. A new post for you. Exciting, isn’t it?

Fun Fact: Alligators carry handbags made of people! It’s people!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Numbers Racket

My blog readership has declined. Taken a nose-dive really. I suppose it could be a byproduct of the warmer weather. Or, it could be a result of infrequent posting by me. Maybe it is my fault. Perhaps I haven’t been discussing the things that people really care about. Perhaps my thoughts on certain subjects, from epidemic hazard light usage to poor postal service, are just way off base. Who knows? Who cares? Not me. I don’t really care what the “reason” is, I just care that nobody’s really reading at the moment.

So, I’m doing something to boost my numbers.

I’m calling for a ban on gay marriage.

That’s right. I need to connect to the people (well, some of them anyway). I need a good old fashioned “moral war.” It’ll be good for my blog. War is always profitable (until someone finally wins). After all, a good war takes resources. A good war creates jobs. Where once an impoverished unemployed Christian had nothing to do but sit at home having marital sex with his goodwife, popping out child after child, there is now a respectful 9 to 5 waiting for him at one of the many “Family Morals for the Morality of Families”-type organizations. Where once there was an out-of-work gay actor in Los Angeles with nothing to do with his free time other than to sit around feeling sorry for himself and wondering if his acting “coach” has been ripping him off, there are now parades to march in and signatures to collect.

A good war distracts people from the bigger issues.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trivializing the issues of this war on marriage. It’s perhaps the biggest problem facing the country today. In fact, the President himself is going to propose a constitutional amendment today! And if the president thinks it’s important, it must be! I mean, he’s got that thing going on over there in Iraq. The American economy is going down the toilet. Frankly, things are just bad right now. But he’s still taking time out of his busy schedule to try and rewrite the constitution of the United States to keep fairies from marrying other fairies. That’s dedication to a just cause there.

Don’t tell him that something’s “not constitutional.” He’s the freaking President of the United States! He writes the damned constitution! That’s his job! And he’s doing one hell of a job at it too.

I mean, imagine if gays could legally marry! Where would this world be? I’ll tell you where. In hell. That’s where! We’d have guys running around “loving” each other willy-nilly. And on the lesbian side of the issue, there would be nothing but shaved-headed women as far as the eye could see! I’m talking real lesbians here! Not the cute kind you see in porn movies!

Over my dead body, friend.

But now I’m just getting on my high horse a little bit. I should be more sensitive. Let me try to appeal to the gays here. You know, build some bridges. Now, I can’t type with a lisp, but hopefully, they’ll get the idea.

Dear Gays,

Please do not read the above paragraphs. Just start here. The stuff I said up top is really nothing but a lot of garbled words that you wouldn’t understand. So don’t even try. It’s nothing, I tells ya’.

Here. I’ve included a picture for you to look at. It’s a gay “wedding.” Don’t those two “men” look happy? Godless and hedonistically happy. Nice tuxes, “boys.” Hope the “ceremony” was held before Labor Day.

Anyway, I just wanted to write a letter to you gay type people to let you know just how much you’re hurting others with your desire to enter into ungodly wedlock (ignore the word “ungodly,” it’s means nothing, we’re all friend here)(he, he, he, stupid gays)(oh, and ignore that last part too).

Don’t you understand how much your actions are affecting others? Try to have a little compassion here. Your lifestyle threatens a lot of innocent people who just want to go about their lives and be left alone. They want to marry members of the opposite sex in peace. They’re tired to having the institution of marriage attacked on a daily basis by a tiny minority of weirdoes who only want to get “married” in a desperate attempt to legitimize their perversions.

Frankly, the idea of gay marriage hurts the feelings of normal people who want to live normal lives. Your bastardization of emotions like “love” and concepts like “devotion” demeans their real and honest feelings.

Gay marriage chips away at the sacred institution of “real” marriages. You gay people, with your relationships made from so much cardboard and muslin, are turning actual marriages into hollow farces. Soon, marriage will be something that’s not taken seriously anymore. Straight people will start to get married on whims. Divorce will run rampant. Soon, the reasons that straight people get married, sacred, holy reason like “love,” “devotion” and “unexpected pregnancy” will be gone. In there place will be left but a shadow of what marriage used to be. A grim, characterless reminder of something great.

And then what’s next? Where will gay people stop? Will they ever stop? Are our Oreo cookies going to start tasting like Hydrox?

So, we’re friends right, gay peeps? Yes, of course we are. Because I don’t talk down to you, that’s why. You see the error of your ways. But let me make one last appeal.

Stop trying to get married. Okay? It’s bad. It hurts people. There are people all over the country right now, holy, pious, god-fearing people who are being made to suffer because of your callous selfishness. Why do you want to hurt them? They have done nothing to you have they? Other than defend themselves from your assertions, of course. And why shouldn’t they? They’re being threatened. They feel excluded for no good reason other than the fact that they disagree with you. Now, most of the time, you won’t be able to tell who these people are. They look just like people. But they’re different. Trust me. But they have feeling just like any other human being. And you’re making them uncomfortable at the moment. You’re scaring them.

Why are you persecuting these fine upstanding people with your perverse idea of marriage? Because they’re different? Because they have a different set of values than you do? Is that right?

How would you like it if they did that to you?

Thank you for your gay time,


Fun Fact: It’s hard to sell a home. What’s yours worth? How does it stack up to the other houses in the neighborhood? What’s the house next door worth?

Well, you can stop peeking into your neighbor’s windows when they’re on vacation to see if their kitchen still has its original Formica countertops. You can stop sneaking into the house across the street at 3am while the family sleeps to see if they’ve remodeled the downstairs bathroom or done any other cosmetic work that would improve the value of their home.

Just go here and type in an address ( You might not find a ton of useful info, but it’s sure fun.

It’s a bit outdated. It still shows the house next door to me and it’s been torn down for a while now.


Here was my second option for a gay wedding picture. I thought the men looked better. But I wanted to share this one anyway because you can’t have a lesbian wedding without Lesbian Al Roker performing the ceremony. She's awesome!

Friday, June 02, 2006



I watched the Scripps National Spelling Bee last night. Well, part of it anyway. I was flipping back and forth between that and “So You Think You Can Dance?”. You know, to clean the palette.

I’m a card-carrying member of Generation X (although I don’t actually have a card. Cards are dumb). I have been since birth. I didn’t have to do anything particularly strenuous to become an X-er. However, birthing can be pretty traumatic. Just ask the Scientologists.

Anyway, being a generation X type of guy carries with it some responsibilities. You must lack a certain—joie de vivre—shall we say (but always pursue it). Not that I’m forced to be sullen. That comes naturally. But there is certain amount of pessimism that’s expected of people born between the late 60s and 70s (I don’t count 1980 babies. Screw them! They were born in the 80s!). It’s not that we’re dreary or anything. And it doesn’t make a hell of a lot of sense. After all, we were the generation born towards the end of the Cold War. We’ve seen great things (Vietnam isn’t one of them).

But it doesn’t seem to be enough.

Why? Hell, I don’t know. I don’t really care. I’m not here to discuss Generation X (a term that I don’t particularly enjoy by the way, at least I didn’t until I’ve gotten older. I don’t know why I’ve accepted the classification now. Maybe it’s because I can remember when people talked about Generation X as the young punks who were going to ruin the world with their gothic apathy—and it makes me feel young again?).

I’m here to say that I can’t believe that I’ve lived all these years without knowing the word “weltschmerz.”

It was the word that eliminated that little Canadian girl last night. It means: mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state. Or: a mood of sentimental sadness. It was coined by German writer Jean Paul.

And it fits me to a tee. Sometimes.

So why, as an apathetic Generation X member had I never ran across this word in all of my academic pursuits? Shouldn’t I have seen it at least once?

I should have! In a perfect world I would have!

Whatever. I don’t want to think about it anymore. Who cares anyway? Not me.

Fun Fact: Not counting typos (of which there were many), I only legitimately misspelled 3 words in this entire post (and to be fair to me, one of them was "gesundheit"). Spell checker has since corrected me. Now, the only word it wants me to respell is…


Also, Weltschmerz is a political comic strip by Canadian cartoonist Gareth Lind.

See! It’s a condition that I suffer from and a comic strip! Damn! How could I have not seen this word before?!

O! Cruel Fate!

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Fed. Up

Mr. McFeely weeps.

I’ve had it with the Federal Government and their so-called postal “service.”

There are certain times when I can’t avoid receiving a package or letter that has been sent “registered mail.” I have to sign for these parcels. And I got another one yesterday.

I’ve blogged about this before (and here, by proxy). About my horrific, lazy, painfully slow post office. It’s the place I have to go to sign for these parcels since my mailman is too big of a lazy fuckass to walk up one flight of stairs to deliver my mail.

Well, this morning, since my mailman yesterday wanted to avoid the 30 second round trip to my front door, I had to spend 30 minutes at the post office.

Yes, it took 30 minutes for me to get my package. I suppose it was because I was so far back in line. I was fourth after all.


This is going to be a short post today. I have to go and write another strongly worded letter to the USPS for them to completely ignore.

I guess I just want to say…

Fuck you, mailman. Fuck you, USPS.

Fun Fact: And fuck the horse you rode in on.

It’s time to privatize all postal service in this country. Not only do the postal workers at the post office have piss-poor customer service, they pride themselves on it. No wonder that so many former postal workers go on murderous rampages and kill their former co-workers. If I had to work with these ass clowns for even one day…

Oh my, the language I’ve used.