Thursday, May 10, 2007

I’m on the Case

Are you a college student? Are you tired of stumbling aimlessly through your higher education, subsisting on nothing but a dream, stale pizza and bong water? Well, do I have the website for you.

It’s a step-by-step guide designed to help you get to the heart of why you’re in college in the first place. Wait, that makes it sound like a porn site filled with hot tips on how to get two girls to strip down to their bras and make out in front of everybody at a party. It’s not that kind of site.

But that would be a great site too. Albeit, not really necessary. You just need to find a couple girls who have dubious self-esteem. Preferably two hot girls desperate to get a certain guy to notice them but too drunk to know that he left a half-hour ago with some 18-year-old frosh. If all else fails, a chubby sophomore will do. They won’t even need to be drunk. They think that this kind of attention will help them rise to the top of the college social order, not knowing that sophomores are called “underclassmen” for a reason. They’re not going to be on top of anything for a while. Or ever, if they keep whoring it up for attention.

Ah, college.

But back to the site in question. It’s a step-by-step guide designed to help you with the second most important part of your college experience – getting an education.

And it has one hell of a handsome host as well. So, if you’re tired of look-at-me-lesbians, pills with cartoon characters on them and late night trips to Home Depot for large-capacity funnels, rubber hoses and one of those “on/off faucety-type thingies” then head over to and get your life on the right track, kid.

Or just go to see the fantastic host!

Fun Fact: Episode 3 of the hit internet sitcom Life From The Inside is now online at our website! Go there and watch it. “But,” you say “I can just scroll down this page and watch it here. Or click on the episodes at the right side of the window and see it that way.” Sure you can. But if you haven’t seen this show with the cast’s cold, dead eyes staring at you from the top of the page, then you haven’t seen squat!

No comments: