Wednesday, July 18, 2007


So, there’s this high-pitched ring coming from the carport of the newly-built condos next door. It’s some kind of alarm. For the last two nights, it’s started its horrible ringing at around 3am and continued until morning. We are forced to shut our bedroom window in a vein attempt to drown out the maddening sound.

It’s 9:40am now and it’s still going.

Six separate families live in that condo complex. Each of which have to go into the carport in order to get into their cars and go to work. It seems that they’re all newly unemployed, because not one person has turned off the alarm.

One family opened their huge-ass garage-door-turned-patio-door thing and sat out on their little balcony for a while. The entire time being serenaded by the worst sound created by man.

They did nothing.

I fear that the neighbors are mentally handicapped. Of course, I suspected that when they dropped $700,000 for a condo that has a breathtaking view of my bedroom window. But now I’m almost certain.

So, let’s stop talking about them. Let’s talk about the Kwik-E-Mart.

As you may already know, as a promotion for the upcoming Simpson’s Movie, a handful of 7-11 stores around the country have converted to Kwik-E-Marts. There are 12 in the United States.

What you may not know is that Tanya and I live about 7 blocks from one of them.

Since we both love the Simpsons and since the Kwik-E-Mart is so close, we had to go for a visit. Even my severe misanthropy wasn’t going to stop that.

Our first attempt was a bust. There was a line around the block to get in. And I wasn’t about to wait in line to get into a damn 7-11, no matter how many cute signs they put in the windows.

Our second attempt yielded fruit. Well, not fruit per se. Would you buy fruit from a 7-11?

It yielded donuts.

The Kwik-E-Mart turned out to be pretty fun. Even the employees seemed to be having a good time. When was the last time you went to a 7-11 with happy, cheerful employees? The Kwik-E-Mart made everyone happy.

They’ve got cute Kwik-E-Stuff.

Chief Wiggum was there (what a celebrity sighting!!).

They have goofy signs on things and pink donuts with sprinkles.

Okay, I have to take issue with that last picture (click on it to enlarge). Not one of those things has a bun! Not one! Perhaps the sign is just generally informational? “Our hot dogs are rich in bunly goodness…of course, these aren’t hot dogs…but our hot dogs are rich in bunly goodness nonetheless.” And, look at the price of a pack of Kools! Didn’t those used to be the cheap cigarettes? And why no Laramies? The official cigarette of the Simpsons? An oversight, I say.

Tanya hung out with Apu.

I got some Buzz cola (They didn’t have any Radioactive Man comics when we went, but thanks to Julie, we got one! Thanks Julie!).

We took some pictures outside the store. I felt a bit stupid about taking pictures outside of what is essentially a 7-11, like a tourist in my own neighborhood, but we did it anyway.

All-in-all, it was a pretty interesting trip to the Kwik-E-Mart. If you have the chance to go to one, I recommend it. I wouldn't drive very far to do so, but it’s worth a 7-block voyage.

Fun Fact: The Simpsons Movie opens on or around July 27th! Go see it! Give FOX your money! People need to eat you know!

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