Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Punxsutawney George

It’s Groundhog Day! You know what that means, right? The president is going to step out in front of a special joint session of congress to deliver his State of the Union Address. If, for any reason, the president opens his mouth to utter even the most unintelligible sound – we’re all in for four more years of depressing crap.

George is supposed to talk about all sorts of interesting things tonight. Social Security reform, the war in Iraq and I’m sure the propagation of freedom throughout the entire world! The entire world! Let’s end tyranny throughout the universe while we’re at it. Put together a special galactic alliance to set out to the furthest reaches of space to restore democratic rule to galaxies tormented by despotic martial law and junk. That would be way cool.

Unfortunately, as far as we know, the universe doesn’t have a readily available cache of crude oil being controlled by a dubiously trained third world military. So my personal dreams of intergalactic conquest will have to wait for a couple years.

Plus, how do we convince already exhausted military reserves into flying into space. Personally, I think that the reserves should shut up already! We paid for your college, jerks, the least you could do would be serve three extra tours of duty on the remote intergalactic outpost of Rylon 7!

But I am interested to see if Bushie will mention Iran in his speech. There’s been fightin’ words being tossed around by the Bush cabinet lately. And they have a dubiously trained third world military too!

But no, Bush is expected to talk about his energy plan to become less reliant on foreign oil. That shouldn’t stop us from kicking ass in Iran though. The trouble there is nuclear power. See, Iran may have nuclear power. They can’t have nuclear power. Who do they think they are, North Korea?!

I can’t help myself when it comes to George-bashing. I just can’t believe that he gets away with the crap he does. Invade Iraq because there are weapons of mass destruction there. Oh, wait, our mistake, no WMDs. But hey, Saddam is gone and that’s good, right? The Iraqis get to vote and that’s also good right?

Well, duh. Of course it’s a good thing. But why should it make us forget about the lies and manipulation? I know people who overeat. I could drug them and duct tape them to a chair for a couple months. It may not be the best way to take care of the situation, but at least I could control their food intake. And they would be a hell of a lot thinner when I got through with them.

But something tells me that they wouldn’t be patting me on the back with their emaciated little skeletal hands any time soon. The ends do not always justify the means.

Now there’s Iran and social security. I figured that the Social Security issue would have gone away by now. There’s no immediate threat to Social Security. Sure, there’s a future threat, but there is plenty of time to come up with a permanent solution. One that has been tested and mulled over to ensure its success. But that’s not what the president is interested in. He’s interested in being the man who fixed Social Security. His race for a quick solution proves to be that he doesn’t really give a rat’s ass about actual solvency. He just wants to look good in the footnotes.

Nothing has stopped him from inventing a Social Security crisis. And his obvious partisan agenda on the subject and lack of diligence hasn’t stopped a great deal of Americans from swallowing a bunch of crap with smiles on their faces.

What the hell does George Bush have to do before enough people realize that he’s working with a personal agenda? I suppose it would help to uncover his agenda if anyone could get a clue as to what the hell that agenda is. The guy's so inconsistent. We invade Iraq (let’s not be naïve about this, it was mostly because of oil) but now he’s saying that he wants to be less dependant on foreign oil?! We could have done that first. He wants to constitutionally ban gay marriage but banning assault rifles would be a devastating blow to our personal freedoms?! He wants to be a “uniter, not a divider” but anyone who isn’t with him is against him.

I don’t know. It’s not looking good for the next four years. Sorry about the political post. I should stick to subjects like peeing.

Fun Fact: Speaking of pee, last night I decided that no matter how much I like asparagus, nothing’s worth that horrible pee smell.


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