Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Unsolicited Plug

Shop at Target. I mean it. Go. Now. Just look for the concentric red circles. It’s easy. And hey, you’ll also be giving a big “screw you” to the Salvation Army. If you’re into giving a big “screw you” to the Salvation Army, that is. Personally, I’m not interested in that. I shop at the Salvation Army. But I’m not here to talk about the Salvation Army or whether or not the Salvation Army should be allowed to solicit for charity outside of Target stores. Just let me say the words “Salvation Army” one more time though before I get to my point.

Salvation Army.

There. That was a hoot. Thanks for that.

Anyway, you should shop at Target. There are many reasons. They aren’t Wal-Mart, for one. That’s a huge plus. And they have quality merchandise for low prices, but not so low that you get the distinct impression that there’s a 5-year-old Chinese kid sitting under a portrait of Chairman Mao earning 5 cents a day while his little fingers bleed and he silently curses your name.

Not that low. But low enough to still allow you to feel superior to third-world nationals.

But as if low, low prices aren’t enough, Target goes one better with a little installment called “The Dollar Spot.” It’s a group of colorful displays near the front entrance. They’ll be easy to “spot,” it’s the part of the store that, after typically considerate bargain shoppers have gotten to it, looks as if a small atomic device has detonated there. It’s a mess, sure, but smart shoppers know that the best deals can be found in the messiest places. I worked retail, I know. I’ve had to “recover” my fair share of women’s clearance racks. (Why is it that all my life women have been yelling at me to pick up my clothes from the floor? I’ve seen the way they shop. They should be ashamed of themselves. Hypocrites. At least I leave my clothes on the floor because I’m actually going to wear them again. The floor is my “wardrobe staging area.” What’s their excuse?)

Usually the Dollar Spot is filled with knick-knacky-type stuff. Mostly party supplies and yarn. Which leads me to believe that knitters love a good dry martini served with a plastic swizzle stick shaped like a pink cowboy head.

But who doesn’t really?

However, just in time for Halloween, Target has seriously stepped up the Dollar Spot’s substance. They have DVDs for a buck at Target! No frills DVDs, okay, but DVDs nonetheless. And not just your average DVDs. No. Not crappy titles like Navy Seals or Legends of the Fall. Good movies. And every DVD is a double feature of true horror-genre cinematic masterpieces!

That brings the value to 50 cents a flick. And if you factor in the fact that every disc also includes a classic cartoon short, that makes it even better!

Here’s what I got.

“Tales of the Undead” which includes:
Atom Age Vampire
Casper the friendly Ghost in “A-Haunting We Will Go”
Revolt of the Zombies

“Chills” which features:
Dead Men Walk
A mislabeled cartoon (not what’s on the box)
The Monster Maker

“Nightmares” which includes:
Bloodlust (Starring Robert Reed, I already have this one incidentally because of MST3K)
The Magic Mummy (cartoon)
Sweeny Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street (the original, not the musical. Both are excellent)

“Threshold of Terror,” which is probably the best in the collection and includes:
Bluebeard (Starring John Carradine)
Superman in “Mechanical Monsters” (great cartoon)
The House on Haunted Hill (the one with Vincent Price and Richard Long of “Nanny and the Professor” fame. The only old movie of this kind that actually, genuinely creeps me out. It’s awesome. It’s good. Mostly because of its complete lack of Taye Diggs, Famke Janssen and Jeffrey Combs.)

Go to Target and get these films. You won’t be disappointed. There are others too. The Brain that Wouldn’t Die (already have it), the Beast of Yucca Flats…

There are no special features or anything. No subtitling. No nothing. Not even chapters. But they’re really cheap and since they don’t come with a case, you get to make your own! Crafty!

Salvation Army.

Fun Fact: The latest (Halloween themed) TAM Cartoon is up! Johncarradinewasinredzonecuba-sational!

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