Friday, February 10, 2006

What About Our Terror?

For too many years those of us living on the west coast of the United States have existed without our fair share of fear. Finally, our magnificent president has tried to remedy that.

Behold the latest terror threat to grip Los Angeles; a thwarted plan to bring down the city’s tallest building, the Library Tower (or the US Bank tower, as the people at US Bank would like you to call it). An attack that the crack people in the Department of Homeland Security put the kibosh on…

4 years ago.

So why bring it up now? Does it have to with criticism that the president has received lately (for about 2 years now) on his handling of the “war on terror?” Does it have anything to do with the fact that he’s now the target of an investigation into his controversial, and possibly illegal, secret domestic spying program?

Aw hell no. It was just time to let that tidbit of information out. The president had no political motivations whatsoever. He just thought we should all know. Just FYI. A heads up. Just in case you were curious.

Besides, it would be inappropriate for the president to use terror as a diversionary tactic to draw attention from his almost total ineptitude, wouldn’t it?

Yes, it would. That would make him just as bad as the terrorists he claims to be fighting against, wouldn’t it? I mean, if you can capitalize on the terrorists, doesn’t that make you part of the problem? Yes it does. And our Commander-in-Chief would never exploit the war on terror for his personal gain.

I believe that he was re-elected based solely on his fantastic domestic policies like Social Security reform, the upper-class tax cut, deregulation and fewer support programs for the poor. And whatever you do, don’t forget the “No Child Left Behind” initiative. Cracking!

Oh, yeah, and “faith in God.” The president is deeply spiritual, you know. Christians never use fear to manipulate their followers. It’s all love and stuff. Sure, there’s hell, but who’s really afraid of eternal damnation?

That president of ours, man, he’s one stand-up guy. So straight-shooting that he can take time out of his busy schedule of trying to keep his ass out of a sling just to inform the country of a thwarted terrorist attack 4 years ago that could have been dreadful. And how nice of him to point out (without any political undertone, mind you) that the sinister plot was thwarted in direct correlation to his own brilliant leadership.

President Bush. What a guy.

Bush in 2008! (Hey, it could happen, we’re at war aren’t we? You don’t want to die do you?)

Fun Fact: They’re taking down a telephone pole outside my apartment. As far as I can tell, the people doing it are actual DWP employees and not terrorists.

But can I really be sure? That telephone pole would make a good target.

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