Friday, October 13, 2006

Mexican Easy Listening Isn’t So Easy to Listen To

Most easy listening is actually hard on the ears. I don’t generally listen to it so it’s not a problem. But lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of Mexican Light Hits. I listen to them most of the day.

Oh, not because I choose to. Lately, the soundtrack to my life is being provided by the workers at the construction site next door. They decided that the perfect place for their communal – and surprisingly loud – stereo is right outside my kitchen window. Of course it’s the one window that doesn’t really close all the way. A typical California slatted-glass number.

The workers have constructed a scaffolding around their building so that they can finish the outside of it which means that their work site is now about three feet closer to my kitchen. Of course, they set their stereo on the scaffolding. What good is blaring your horrible music if you can’t do it from your neighbor’s lap? If I could get my arm out the slatted window, I could just reach out and turn the stereo down myself. But I can’t. (Well…I could, but that would require removing some of the glass slats and then I’d have to clean them and the point is not to add aggravation to my life.)

Also, I can’t seem to figure out which idiot over there is the foreman. The guy I usually talk to isn’t in charge of this particular crew…

Anyway, getting back to the smooth hits of Mexico. I don’t have a lot of experience with this type of music. Mariachi music I’m familiar with. Mariachi music I like. But this stuff is in a class by itself. It’s not that different from the “American” stuff. Just as insipid. Just as uninspired. Just as horrible. Only the Mexican brand is in a fun language that I don’t understand which means that I don’t have to endure the trite lyrics that I’m sure the songs have.

But I am a little curious. See, I took French in high school (very useful) so there’s no real hope of my being able to translate any of the sounds that are blasting from my kitchen. Not that I really want to, mind you. But, like I said, I’m curious and I’m sure that I missing the nuance of just how bad this music is. I’ll pick up a word or two here and there. I know that “amor” means “love” and crap like that. But for the most part, I’m in the dark.

I’ve had to guess at the translation. Here’s what I’ve inferred:

Smooth hits for your construction site; you’re listening to KSMX. Smooth Mexican hits from yesterday…and today! KSMX-X-X-X-X-X-X. And don’t forget the KSMX music festival this weekend at the Palms Amphitheater. Bring a hammer! KSMX-X-X-X-X-X-X-X.

You’re my everything
My life’s reward
I learned to play guitar
Because I was bored

Now I get the ladies
But I really dig the guys
Last week I caught scabies
On my inner thighs

Please buy my records
Play them once or twice
You can annoy the neighbors
Wouldn’t that be nice

Love to make your ears bleed

Should learn how to read

Court ordered to say that last line

Part of my public service sentence

Pay homeless men for sex in a park restroom

Trust me
Baby I love you


I hate Mexican Easy Listening.

Fun Fact: All Mexican easy listening includes the lyric “o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o.”

That’s a fact. I know. I’ve done the research.

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