Perks of Old Age

Weakening bone structure, graying hair and an inability to sleep in past 6:30am. Sure, those things are really great. But there are some other advantages to being an adult.

When I was a kid, I’d beg and beg for things; Matchbox cars, Rubik’s cubes, Hungry Hungry Hippos… But I’d always get the same response, “we can’t afford that right now. I’m not made of money, you know.” And no matter how much I’d beg, my mom wouldn’t take my simple advice, go to the bank, get the money and buy me some cool crap.

Although, I always did appreciate that little “we” she’d throw in there. “We can’t afford that right now.” As if I was a productive member of the family. Like I was bringing a check home from kindergarten (it’s amazing how flaccid the finger-painting market is). Of course, she didn’t really mean we. She just wanted a 5-year-old to feel like he was fruitful.

Either that, or she was planning on selling me to a sweatshop and thought better of it when she realized that I possessed an inexhaustible supply of lazy.

As an adult, I still have to beg a woman for the cool crap that I’d like to buy. But now the woman holding the purse strings is my girlfriend. It’s a very similar scenario. But this time, when Tanya uses the word “we,” she means we. See, no matter how little I actually contribute, we live under the delusion that we’re somehow equals and that I have some kind of say when it comes to spending the money.

So now I have this.

A new keyboard. Sure, it’s not the best on the market, but it’s the best one I’ve ever had. It’s full-sized, weighted and touch sensitive. Besides, I can’t play the piano anyway. But I’m going to learn. Until then, I’ll just keep that piano music sitting on it (Chopin’s “Chanson de L’adieu” Song of the Farewell) so that when people come over, they’ll think that I can play. Why “Chanson de L’adieu?”

Because it has the most notes. Duh.

Now, I’ll be honest. Tanya has fought the piano for a while now. She just didn’t want to get it. Never mind that she actually knows how to play the damned thing. But my persistence paid off.

And now I can’t keep her away from it.

Tanya, stay away from the keyboard! It’s my turn! It’s always my turn! Always! Mine!

I love being an adult.


Fun Fact: The first electric piano ever made was the SuperPiano, first manufactured in 1927. Sound was produced by a hammer striking a metal bar which caused a vibration that was amplified and sent through speakers. It sounded more like chimes than a piano. Which begs the question; “why wasn’t it called the SuperChimes?”

Because nobody cool ever played the chimes, that’s why.