Thursday, September 01, 2005

There and Back Again

In this country we have an obsession with gasoline and crude oil. We used to get our oil fairly cheap.

Thus, the large automobile was invented for people who like to get around while feeling like they own real-estate. People who enjoy spending money on gasoline so as to haul around hordes of people (which they never do) or tow heavy objects (which they don’t own) or have the ability to travel 200 mph on the 405 freeway (which is impossible, you’re lucky if you get to go 35).

But then came pollution and global warming. So we enacted prudent Environmental Protection Agency standards for our gasoline to help curb the issue.

A warmer earth means warmer oceans and warmer oceans mean fiercer hurricanes. A fierce hurricane turned the Big Easy into the Big…um…Real Hard. And now there’s a genuine, in-our-face crisis on our hands. The president must be quick to act!

And act, he has.

He’s promised that this hurricane won’t quash the American spirit.

Because some of our precious oil is now under a few feet of the worst water this side of Mexico, the president has lifted the EPA standards on fuel for the time being.

Screw global warming.

We’ve got SUVs to drive.

The important thing is that we can get our car juice relatively cheap again. And further our obsession with gasoline and crude oil.

Wow, the president has solved another one of our country’s most complicated problems. Good for him.

And he did it all with that crooked smirk on his little face.

Don’t you just want to hug him to death?

Fun Fact: Looters are the carrion feeders of humanity. It’s not very fun, but it’s a fact.

But maybe I’m too hard on the New Orleans looters? I’m sure that some of them just need food and clothes.

And with their houses devastated, the other looters probably lost their entire crack supply.

Crack ain't free people! You got to sell a lot of stolen televisions!

Where’s their celebrity telethon?! Help the crack heads Harry Connick Jr.!

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