Monday, May 15, 2006

Snackson Pollack

This is my latest creation. As an artist, I usually have to wait a long time before inspiration hits me. This time it hit me like a glass full of cold water.

Beautiful, isn’t it? I wonder how much I could get for it at auction. Maybe enough for a new bag of M&Ms? That would be sweet. Literally.

There are some downsides to be the next avant-garde master of art. For one, it ruins your snack foods. For two, people who look at your latest masterpiece incessantly ask you the question “is that a paper towel?”

Yes, it is a paper towel. Some words of advice: Unless you’re planning on becoming a revered modern artist like me, never leave a bag of M&Ms open – on the floor – next to the small table which holds your big glass of water. Never take a P.A. job at the last minute which will leave you exhausted so that when you get home and try to relax with a huge bag of candy-coated chocolate and nice cool glass of water, you inadvertently forget how to reach for said water and end up spilling the entire thing – directly into your candy.

Here’s something else I learned. M&Ms may not “melt in your hands,” but give them a good watering and they’ll melt just about anywhere.

And unlike so many Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups commercials, my accidental pairing didn’t make anything better. “You got water in my M&Ms!” “You got M&Ms in my water!” Two sentences that will probably never be uttered on national television during halftime at the Super Bowl. Because the outcome looks like this:

Yes, I tried to rescue my candy. It wasn’t wholly successful. Sure, I can still eat the candy, but it’s just not the same. The candy shells have been compromised. They are now thin and some of them look as if they’re moldy. Luckily, they don’t taste moldy. They’re kind of like the Halloween chocolate that you forgot to eat for a year. Covered in that weird white stuff, but still edible.

Here’s the actual art piece being created!

Let the auction begin. I’m taking bids! I’ll start at “two bags of candy!” Do I hear “two bags of candy?!”

Fun Fact: I didn’t come up with the title for today’s post. I wish that I had. You can thank Steve for this one. In fact, why don’t you go to his website and thank him right now?!

Also, why not give Kevin a visit. Why? Because he got to meet Mitch Hurwitz this past weekend (Mitch came to the play Kevin is in). I think that Kevin deserves a visit for this. Go here and find out why Mitch decided to leave Arrested Development (maybe he’s interested in doing another sitcom? Perhaps one exclusively for the internet? Maybe one that would be already written and ready for him to produce? Hmmm…)

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