Friday, April 02, 2004

O Sweet Redemption Bathed in the Soft Green Glow of a Freshly Cracked Glow Stick

Network television delivered another decisive blow in the battle for the minds of America, narrowly pulling ahead in its war against Big Government.

It’s official…well; almost official…Ecstasy is okay! The drug, not the emotion. Although that’s okay too.

Peter Jennings told me so. He’s hocking narcotics now.

Yeah! Hooray! I love you…no I love you…I love you more…I love you more…

Hey, I’m all for calling the G on its BS (the BS crushes their credibility in the fight for other, more dangerous drugs)…but kicking ‘em while they’re down…? That’s a little much, I think.

Okay, so they lied about the effects of E. So they may exaggerate in order to win the somewhat repressive and often unfair war on drugs. They’re big fat fatty liars. It’s true.

But let’s be honest here, are they the only ones? The last time I checked it was a two sided battle.

Are we really supposed to believe that taking Ecstasy actually helped people? That taking drugs can somehow be part of a regimen for spiritual health?

I’ll tell you that smoking cigarettes helps me too. But that’s because it’s true.

They paraded a bunch of people across the TV last night that testified to the fact that taking Ecstasy improved their lives. There was a rape victim, a disenfranchised mother, a millionaire drug dealing ex-priest, some obligatory ravers, and all of them discussed the positive effects of popping pills.

They said that it caused them to be more in touch with their minds, their fears …techno music…

I’m sure it did. After all, I wouldn’t really know, I’ve never taken the stuff. I’m positive that ecstasy can turn a repulsive rave into an all night love-in. It would have to…how else could you stand that crap?

That’s not my point. I don’t care that E doesn’t actually poke holes in your brain or cause Parkinson’s disease. I also don’t care that you think it helped you connect with your children or find God. None of that is what I have a beef with.

It’s the unwillingness of society to take any kind of accountability for its own deficiencies that bugs me. Medicinal Marijuana has a purpose, when it calms physical pain. But just because you feel disconnected with life is no reason to take a pill.

Here’s a news flash for you E users; effects on your spiritual life aren’t any more real than if you hadn’t taken the drug.

When did we all turn into such royal weenies? Help, I’m fat…better go get the Flobee Pouch (it’s endorsed by evangelists after all). Help, I’m disinterested in sex…better get some Spanish Fly (or whatever they’re calling it these days). Help, my penis is too small (for what?!) Help, I’m disenfranchised and bitter…better get some Ecstasy (ironic isn’t it…I’m evidentially bitter and disenfranchised).

Cowboy up, pussies!

Here’s the straight dope for you people on the show last night:

Your children are the same whether you take some pills or not (unless, of course, if you take them all the time).

God is in the same place he was before you took drugs.

Some things are just hard to get over and circumventing the process could do more harm than good (actual diseases not included).

If you need to take psychoactive drugs for recreation, you have no imagination.

And if you’re taking drugs to appreciate music, you’re listening to the wrong music.

I’ll stop harping on this. I’m just getting fed up is all. I’ll bet you didn’t know that I was such a fuddy-duddy killjoy. But if they do ever invent a pill to make it so that I never have to listen to dance music ever again…I might be tempted.

Here, go and laugh at these idiots who jumped to conclusions. Apparently, the Ecstasy hasn’t centered them any.

And go here to learn how to justify just about anything.

Fun Fact: I wrote the word “Ecstasy” over six times in this post and yet never spelled it correctly even once. I need a “spell-better” pill.

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