Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Tuesday's Special: Fried Network Show - and a cartoon

The latest TAM cartoon is up!

And in other news...

It’s amazing, but money apparently won’t make you a mature adult. Hard to believe, no?


Last night I tuned in to watch the Monday night 10 o’clock commercials on NBC. Much to my disappointment, they kept getting interrupted with scenes from “The Restaurant.” Luckily, it only happened a couple times.

Rocco Dispirito and Jeffrey Chodorow are both idiots. How can you spend that much money opening a restaurant and then act like a couple of children?

For those of you who don’t know, the restaurant is hemorrhaging money, so now the two owners are battling it out in the war of “I know you are but what am I?”

So Jeffrey brings in a bunch of corporate big-wigs in an attempt to streamline the restaurant. He also brings in one pompous twenty year-old college intern with “15 years of experience in the business.” Evidently, he’s worked his way up from the nursery. The kid’s an idiot. The intern promptly makes himself look like an even bigger ass by illegally serving alcoholic drinks and by crowning Rocco “King Douchebag.”

King!? Earl maybe. Lord High Chancellor? But not King.

So the two captains of industry spend most of their time sitting in their ivory towers slinging empty threats at each other.

But then something extraordinary happens – they actually sit down to discuss their problems. This is where it gets juvenile.

Here’s a very loose transcript of their conversation:

Jeffrey: The restaurant’s loosing money.

Rocco: I know.

Jeffrey: I want to start making some money.

Rocco: Me too.

Jeffrey: We need to make some changes around here in order to make that money.

Rocco: I agree.

Jeffrey: Why are you such a jerk?

Rocco: Why are you such a jerk?

Jeffrey: Stop copying me!

Rocco: Stop copying me!

Jeffrey: Quit it!

Rocco: Quit it!

Jeffrey: How come you don’t care about the restaurant?! Why are you losing my money?

Rocco: You never said you wanted to make money!

Jeffrey: Whatever, I did too!

Rocco: You never said, “hey Rocco, let’s make some money!”

Jeffrey: Whatever, dude.

Rocco: Whatever yourself!

Jeffrey: You’re a big baby!

Rocco: Shut up!

Jeffrey: What, you gonna’ cry an’ tell your Momma on me?!

Rocco: …Don’t think I won’t.

You would think that these two could sit down and have a real conversation about this. They’re into it for millions of dollars?! If they hadn’t started acting like little kids, they would have realized that they have the same goals!


Here’s some advice for Jeffrey and Rocco:

Jeff…can I call you Jeff? When your business partner says to you, “just put up the money…I’ll take care of the rest.” Don’t invest! Jeeze, man, how did you make your millions?

Rocco…Rock…The Rock…Rocky…Even rock stars have to occasionally pick up an instrument, dude.

And for both of you: If the floor staff (and I’m not saying this to be mean, it’s just that I’ve met a few restaurant workers in my time), but if they are making you look immature…it’s time to pry your lips from off your mother’s teat and act like big people.

Fun Fact: I had no idea how disturbed I would get by writing that “mother’s teat” part but I’ve actually been put off my Diet Pepsi.

And the Burger King in Budapest is the largest in the world at three stories tall. I have enough trouble trying to keep the food warm in the short distance from the counter to the table at a regular sized one.

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