Thursday, May 13, 2004

American Idle

Oh man, I should write headlines! I’m so original and inventive!

Enough about me – American Idol is a joke. I would tell you that I’m a joke too for watching the stupid show and actually caring about the outcome. I would also tell you how stupid I am for always being suckered into these asinine reality shows that build up to a promising end only to pull the rug out from under your feet. I would tell you that, but as I said, this post isn’t about me.

Oh, who do I think I’m fooling? All posts are about me! And, frankly, I’m pissed off. And not just a little bit sad.

I’m not crying or anything; after all it’s just a show, right? They all are, right?


American Idol isn’t just a show. It’s a barometer for the tastes of American youth. Sure, maybe not for the disenfranchised youth, but it’s not the disenfranchised youth that I’m worried about. They won’t be shaping the country’s identity – they’re disenfranchised!

What have we done to our children?! (When I say our children, I really mean your children. And when I say “what have we done…” I really mean “what have you done…unless you don’t have children.) Is there no room in show business for talent?

Latoya London, the best singer of the season, was voted off last night. “America has voted…” Not all Americans, Ryan Seacrest. Don’t blame me – I don’t vote. (Incidentally, I’ll be saying the same thing if Bush is elected to a second term. Although, hopefully, I won’t be directing the comment at Ryan Seacrest.)

I blame the teenie-boppers. Stupid teenie-boppers. You would rather vote for a couple un-talented phoney-baloneys like Diana DeGarmo and that Hawaiian chick, Jasmine Trias, who can’t smile with her mouth closed?! What’s the matter with you?!

I use terms like “teenie-bopper” and “phonie-baloney.” I can remember when singers needed to be able to – sing! Not Bob Dylan, of course. But he was a singer/songwriter. Something that I’m sure Jasmine and Diana are in no danger of becoming anytime soon.

Okay, so I was going rail and rant about the state of art in the country nowadays and how nobody seems to mourning it’s loss except for the underpaid few that are actually still creating it, and about how we have become so lazy and distracted lately that we take little time trying to understand new things and so on…

But I have to start working on some synopses.

So, in closing; raise your kids right or suffer their vapid and misguided wrath. Luckily, we’re all so lazy that the wrath should be pretty mild.

Oh, and GO FANTASIA! You’re the only one left with talent and a real personality; don’t let the others drag you down into their world of stagy high school talent shows! I’m just sad that you’ll be leaving the show next week after you’ve been voted off by millions of spoiled white pre-teens who don’t understand why people want to be different.

Fun Fact: To date, my Google pop-up blocker has blocked 2,758 pop-up ads! Now you know! Stop asking me about it!

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