Friday, May 14, 2004

Dude, Seriously…

The FOX Network has had some pretty lame ideas for reality shows, but this one takes that proverbial cake.

It’s called Seriously, Dude…I’m Gay!

Oh sure, it sounds enlightening. But here’s the shows premise:

Some straight guys go to West Hollywood and try to convince the indigenous population that they’re gay. Wait. They don’t try to convince the West Hollywooders that the West Hollywooders are gay, that would simply be preaching to the choir, they try to convince them that they are gay. I mean…forget it, you know what I mean.

Boy…imagine, trying to convince a bunch of gay men that you are gay!...wouldn’t that be a difficult task?!

It’s hard enough to convince gay men that every historical figure that has ever lived wasn’t gay! Gay men just assume that you’re gay! (I hope I’m not alone here.) Besides, the simple fact that you’re walking around West Hollywood proves that you’re not entirely straight.

Where’s the challenge?! “Dude, seriously…I’m gay.” “Oh yeah…who isn’t?!”

What a stupid idea! I have come up with a couple ideas for FOX reality shows of my own, in the same vein as Seriously, Dude…I’m Gay!

Premise: A group of Iraqis go to the white house to meet President Bush and compete for a million dollars.

Title: By Allah, Western Cowboy Satan…I’m a terrorist!

Premise: A group of reality show producers come to my house to compete for a swift kick in the can.

Title: Excuse Me, Sir…I’m a Moron!

Go here for a list of famous “gay” historical figures. It reminds me of those Mormon posthumous baptisms. “He’s dead? His family’s dead? It’s official…he’s gay! No, seriously, dude! LAMBDA has spoken, amen.”

I’m not picking on anyone here. I’m sure that most of them were actually gay, but come on…My point is that gay men and women are many things but one thing they’re not, is picky about proof.

Fun Fact: My sock almost has a hole in it. At the toe. I’ll keep you posted.

Oh yeah, the new TAM cartoon is up. Sorry about the old joke, I was desperate.

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