Thursday, January 13, 2005

New Look, Same Great Taste


That’s the official flavor of The Anthropomorphic Male. Crappleberry.

So, as you can see, there are big doings going on here at TAM. I was getting tired of the old template so I decided to change it. I hope it’s for the better. I think so. Plus now it marries well with TAM too. Consistency, that’s the ticket, eh?

As you can also see, the usual features are still available on the updated blog here. Let me take you on a quick tour of the new digs:

The TAM Cartoon is still at the top of the page. The links to other people’s blogs are still there on the right. Nothing new there. There’s still the ever neglected link to the cartoon archives there right under those. But there’s something new under that! A link to the previous posts! Now you can reread all the wonderful things I’ve had to say for the past week or so without all that troublesome scrolling. Very useful. A feature that came with the new template.

After the new post-linker thing, there’s an old friend. A lonely link to some original blog music. “2000th Visitor.” Hopefully, there will be more songs in the future. I just need to find a willing host. And finally, some links to other things. A new one to and the other usual suspects. Don’t be afraid of them. Check them out. X-Entertainment is not porn. It’s fun, so have no fear.

Then there are the trackers and things, looking very disorganized under that. In case you ever want to see how many people come to this site and what they’re looking for. Hours of entertainment.

So, there you are.

Now let me blog a little…stand back! I need lots of room.

Last night was good for TV. I’m a big fan of “Lost.” It’s a great show. It’s never predictable. But that’s the brilliance of the premise. These people are trapped on a crazy mysterious island where anything can happen. If the audience starts to figure it out, just throw in something weird, like a polar bear or big unseen monster or Vern Troyer or something.

After Lost was over, I decided to watch an hour of commercials. The only problem was that “Alias” kept interrupting. Now I’ll never know if the little boy who spilled his soup on the floor actually got to enjoy the can of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup that the Target Dog brought for him. “Now I ain’t got soup no more. Now my soup is on the floor.”

But since Alias was so damned persistent, I watched it too. But I’ve got a few questions for the people who write that show? What the hell is the deal with parking garages?! The show is packed full of parking garages. It doesn’t matter where they are, there’s always a parking garage attached.

INT: Submarine in the middle of the Atlantic – Drawing Room

SIDNEY downloads the evil DR. SCOLIOSIS’S secret formula from his laptop while giving him a lap dance and explaining to Vaughn via ear-thingies that there may still be hope for their relationship.

But there’s trouble. The Doc has figured it out. Her cover is blown. He pulls a GUN on Sydney and chases her through the sub. Luckily, Sidney finds an unlocked hatch and escapes through it as BULLETS WHIZ past her purple-dyed hair.


INT: Parking Garage – Level 8A (AKA: The Orange Level)

Sydney races through the parked cars…

I mean come on. Last night the main bad guy captured Sydney and the other guy (whose name I don’t know…the one who wasn’t in on the big move to the LA subway place…or the “Black Ops” thing..oh, you know who I mean…). Anyway they’re captured and brought to a warehouse for a little interrogation and brutal slaughter. There are big ass crates all around. Crates and nothing else.

Suddenly, there’s a skirmish as Vaughn and the rest of the subway crew burst in to rescue them. The main baddy escapes down some stairs and into…yep…a parking garage.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t know many warehouses with parking garages attached. And the parking garage was full! I guess evil henchmen haven’t learned the value of vanpooling. In fact, I think some of them brought a couple spare cars.

Just in case something like this happened, I guess. You know there’s one of them saying “who’s the idiot now, Franco?! You said I was a fool to keep three cars here. But, like I told you before, it’s always a good idea to have a car on Orange, Purple and Puce! Hahahahaha!”

But just about every episode of Alias has a parking garage in it. And they’re all nice. Even this “evil” parking garage had a color-coding system so that the bad guys won’t forget where they parked. But when you’re trying to take over the world, sometimes you have to pick up and leave in a hurry. And the last thing you want is for one of your cronies to make you late because he’s walking all over hell’s half acre clicking his car alarm key-chain at every nook and cranny.

And the preview for next week’s show inferred that there may be another Sydney sibling in the mix. But what I want to know is, with Sydney’s mom so busy pumping out baby killing machines, when did she find time for dastardly double-agenting?

Fun Fact: When it was built in 1973 (a good year by the way) Chicago’s O’Hare Airport had the largest parking garage in the world, 9,266 spaces for over 79 acres of parking that sprawled over six levels.

That’s a big garage.

Watch for it in “Alias: The Movie: The Final Truth…for realsies…no foolin’…maybe”

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