Hoppy New Year!

“Hoppy” because of the New Year’s Bunny! Go little New Year’s Bunny! Hop down that New Year’s trail!

Okay, so I’ve used that stupid joke before. So, sue me. I’m a bit rusty.

As you know, I’ve been neglecting this blog for a little while now. A week or something. Just long enough for the normal person to have built up a great list of exciting stories to share.

I’m not the normal person. I don’t really have any exciting stories to share. Tanya’s parents came to visit. We played cards and ate. We went to Julie’s to hang out for New Year’s and ate. Tanya and I took another expensive – and apartment crowding – trip to IKEA…and ate.

Actually, the trip to IKEA was a little bit exciting. It always is. Tanya accused me of being Euro-Trash because I said that Swedish desserts were better than American desserts. But it’s true, you know. American desserts are too sweet. And just because I’ve never actually been to Sweden is no reason that I can’t consider myself an expert on Swedish deserts. I’ve been to IKEA damnit! I know Swedish!

I like IKEA food. It’s good. Like their furniture. It’s simple yet exotic. Like their furniture. It’s cheap. Like their furniture. It’s made of real wood. Unlike their furniture.

It’s somehow symbiotic to have a restaurant in a furniture store. When I was a kid and first went to the IKEA outside Pittsburgh, I thought it was really weird to have a restaurant in a furniture store. But now, I won’t even set foot in a furniture store without one.

As you’ve deduced, my furniture store options are a bit limited. Especially because Tanya says that stealing salt shakers from the local Burger King doesn’t count as “furniture shopping.”

But the damned booths are just too heavy. Not to mention the fact that they clash with the dining room table. In fact, there’s really nothing at a fast food restaurant that you would want to put in your house. The color scheme is always too horrible. People used to decorate their house in fast food restaurant colors in the 80s and look what that led to.

The 90s.

Speaking of New Year’s resolutions. I didn’t make any this year. I didn’t make any last year. I never make them anymore. I made them when I was a kid but I didn’t understand them then. “This year I’m going to make a million dollars” isn’t really a resolution, is it? Needless to say, none of them came to pass. As I grew older, they only got more disappointing. I’m numb to them now.

It’s funny that I’ve become disenfranchised with New Year’s resolutions. I know I’m not the only one out there who is. “Stupid New Year’s resolutions!” As if they were some kind of unfulfilled Christmas wish or something. I guess we all get sick of feeling like failures. It’s always easier to blame the resolution. But it’s not the resolution’s fault that I could never lose weight after January 1st. I know that now. Besides, a New Year’s resolution isn’t new, is it? It’s something that you’ve been thinking about doing for a while usually. And the real problem with them is that once their broken – since they’re a New Year’s resolution – you feel like a loser for the rest of the year. And it usually takes until the next December 31st to finally feel that little breath of hope again.

Screw you, New Year’s resolutions! You still owe me a brand new big-boy bike!


Fun Fact: The number one New Year’s resolution is to lose weight. Is that really surprising to anyone? Of course, it helps that New Year’s is right after the ThanksChristmasGiving feeding orgy. I wonder what the most popular New Year’s resolution would be if the New Year followed Easter? I bet that it would involve a big advertising push for LIPITOR.

And I’m going to start actually drawing the TAM Cartoon again this week! Sorry about last week. I was being lazy. Yow!