Wednesday, March 16, 2005

What Was I Doing Again?

My creative ADD is kicking me in the ribs once more. And it hurts.

Due to the overwhelming personal acclaim garnered by my last painting (meaning that overwhelmingly I personally think it deserves acclaim), I have decided to tempt fate and once again put brush to canvas. That’s right, I’m painting again today.

Which, sadly, means that I’m going to be neglecting you today as well. Luckily, there’s nothing really going on in the world worth mentioning anyway. At least, as far as I know. My usual news was interrupted by the president.

Why does George Bush insist on invading my television? He’s got nothing new to say. He held a press conference this morning. Just the latest in a long string of them. His purpose, as far as I can tell, was to garner support for Social Security reform. But what exactly is his plan? According to everyone in Washington, it’s to privatize social security. According to the President…he hasn’t decided yet.

Sure, right.

He says that he’s keeping the options open. Okay. Then why hold the damned press conference? Just to tell us about the new Iraqi parliament? We have televisions, Mr. Bush. We know about the Iraqis.

But the president insists that he’s keeping the debate open. We know that already also. Again, why was this press conference do damned important? To tell us all that he’s still thinking about it? We know! Do something and then waste my time about it.

President Bush loves to hear himself talk about social security reform. So I guess we all have to be annoyed by it. Imagine if all television was like a President Bush press conference. All talk and no actual product. We would have shows starring networks suits like “Law and Order: Something about Crimes and Criminals Maybe?” and “The Bachelorette IV: What if We Cast Lesbians?”

I might actually watch that last one. I think it would be great to watch network bigwigs discuss the benefits of lesbian programming. Is there a down side?

Okay, but really, I have just one nagging question about the President’s (alleged) social security reform plan. So we are all supposed to get private accounts and invest our money in Wall Street stocks from a list of approved ones put out by the government, right? My question is, who in the government gets to decide which stocks are good enough for everyone in the freaking country to invest in? And, please government lobbyists, when you finally get a senator in your back pocket on this one and get your stock put on the list, could you please let me know, I would like to invest before everyone else does. Your crappy company would make me a millionaire if I could get in before the government turns it into a blue chip!

Look at that. What do you know? I said I was going to neglect you and then I went ahead and wrote something. Sure, I didn’t neglect you on the quantity, but I gave you a big “screw yourself” with the quality.

Sorry. I need to paint.

Fun Fact: Tanya had her hair cut off last night. Oh, don’t worry; she had it done on purpose. I say that in case you got a little panicked that perhaps she was the victim of some deranged stalking barber. It looks good. That’s a fact.

And the average rainfall in Death Valley is only 1.96 inches a year, making it the driest place in North America. This blog is number 2.

By which I mean that it’s crap.

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