Tired as Tom Cruise’s PR Rep

It’s been one hectic weekend. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday in a park here in Culver City, sweltering, getting a sunburn and performing half-rehearsed Shakespeare for obnoxious, drunken, dog-wielding passersby.

But, hey, I’m living the Hollywood dream, right?

On top of all that, I attended the premier of director Adam Hodge’s latest indie short, “Captive.” A film well enjoyed by everyone in attendance. Especially, I like to think, the middle part of the film. The part that I’m in.

Here’s my review of the film:

Independent film director Adam Hodge’s latest contribution to the suspense genre, “Captive,” is packed with shocking moments guaranteed to have you so far on the edge of your seat that the person sitting in front of you will be forced to ask you kindly to get off their lap. However, the most terrifying aspect of the short piece is possibly the fact that Hodge chose not to give the film’s real star (TAM) “above title billing,” opting instead to give that honor to the two cast members who actually have the most screen time. In this reviewer’s humble opinion, it’s time to shake off the confining conventions of Hollywood filmmaking. Why not give those with the least amount of screen time the best billing? That would show those formulaic Tinsletown automatons a thing or two! Oh, and the rest of the film was good too.

But, even more than play rehearsals and glitzy red-carpet premiers, Tanya and I are house-sitting. So my days are really screwed up at the moment. And so is my psyche. I’m having more ups and downs than Paris Hilton’s panties at a film producer’s convention.

I’m in charge of caring for a very old dog, as well as the house. So, even if I got to feel a little important at the premier, I’ve always got Max the dog to keep me grounded in my own reality. There’s nothing more humbling than hefting a heavy, stinky, ancient, arthritic Labrador retriever up some stairs 4 times a day.

And the hip massages I’ve been giving him don’t help my allusions of superiority either.

I’d feel worse about it if he wasn’t the sweetest and cutest old dog you’ve ever seen.


Fun Fact: Vince has done it! He’s cracked the “TAM Code!” Now the secrets of the ancients are his to protect. He confided in me that he’s still unsure of the significance of the cowboy hat. But I think that there are some truths that just aren’t meant for this world. The answers may be waiting for us in the next.