Monday, May 16, 2005

And the Award for Best Award Giver Goes to…

Thank god for Oprah Winfrey. Finally, there is someone out there to recognize the accomplishments of Maya Angelou. Without Oprah and her “legends” ball/awards event, people like Maya and Diana Ross may have gone unnoticed forever.

First, I must say that I like Oprah. Why not? There’s nothing particularly wrong with her. She’s a fine person. I’m a little creeped out with how much time she spends with Quincy Jones. I mean that guy is like her lap dog now. Always one step behind her, peeking over her shoulder at red carpet events. But if Stedman can deal with it, who am I to criticize?

And Quincy did write the theme songs for “Ironsides” and “Sanford and Son.” That alone should entitle him to a little play, eh?

But Oprah’s recent foray into “African-American women legend honoring” is getting on my nerves. Just who is Oprah trying to honor anyway?


Oprah claims that she’s throwing the party thing as a “thank you” to the women who influenced her life. Because, presumably, telling them individually, in person wouldn’t be as self-serving.

Plus, we might not know who Oprah thinks is “cool.” And what a tragedy that would be. Like the book club. If they’re good enough for Oprah, then, damnit, they’re good enough for me.

Oprah’s “People Club.”

We get it Oprah. You’re rich and you have impressive friends. It’s nice and everything that you have put together a gala to recognize the accomplishments of your talented buddies. But come on. Let’s be honest about this whole thing. If the event was truly about Maya’s great works then I would be seeing a lot less Oprah. Right?

A word of advice, Oprah (‘cause I know Oprah needs my advice); keep your dumb face out of the spotlight for once. There actually are people out there who deserve it more every once in a while.

Except for Diana Ross. She’s just gotten weird.

And how many damned awards for being a genius “black woman” does Maya Angelou need? She could probably build a house on each coast with all the ones she’s gotten thus far. We know she’s black already. She knows it too. We know she’s made quite a name for herself for being black and a woman. I’ll bet she’s aware of that also.

But what people may not know is that when Maya Angelou is not swamped with having darker skin and a vagina, in her spare time she likes to write poetry.

If Oprah wanted to really surprise Maya, she should give her kudos for that.

I know, you’re thinking to yourself, "why the hell is TAM talking about all this?" But the answer should really be self-explanatory:

I have absolutely nothing else to write about today. Lucky you. Thanks for reading…sucker.

Fun Fact: If you spend too much time thinking about your fingers and toes, eventually you’ll realize how unattractive and creepy they would probably be to a visiting space alien who had never seen such a thing.

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