Thursday, May 05, 2005

I Screwed Paula Abdul…Buy My Insanely Crappy Album

I wasn’t going to post today. I have a cartoon to draw. But I wanted to say a thing or two about the “Fallen Idol” “expose” on Primetime Live last night. I will try to keep the sarcastic “quotes” to a minimum.

Actually, I wanted to ask a few questions.

Does Corey Clark really believe that he’s fooled America into thinking that his motives for dragging Paula Abdul through the mud are pure?

But at least Corey is (lamely) trying to make excuses. What does John Quiñones have to say for himself? ( I smell Pulitzer John!)

How does Corey’s mother accuse Paula Abdul of corrupting her “poor” little 22-year-old “boy” with a straight face?

Who gives a ripe rat’s rectum about all this?

And who can I sue for making me endure the torture that is Corey Clark’s “music?” God that crap was awful. And they played it incessantly, with reckless disregard for the safety of the viewing audience. Shame on you ABC!

The worst thing about this entire mess is that Corey, his dad and his mumsie-wumsie were on Good Morning America today. Corey wanted to set the record straight again. He said that he didn’t want people to get the wrong idea about his statements on the show last night.

As it turns out, he wasn’t complaining about his treatment at the hands of temptress Paula…

He was “thanking her!” You know, for all that she “did” for him. If you catch my drift.

Next time send flowers, Romeo.

Fun Fact: Paula doesn’t deserve this. Prescription drugs. That was supposed to be her Achilles heel. She was supposed to end up getting fired from the show for a dependence on pain killers. She was supposed to wind up in a gutter on Sunset Boulevard, friendless and dirty, wreaking of her own urine and Demerol.

I wasn’t supposed to go down like this.

Damn you, Corey Clark, for being perhaps the biggest ingrate ever to darken the Earth. Damn you. You Screwed Paula all right. And my hopes for her bleak future.

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