Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Let’s All Say Something Stupid

Newsweek and Vicente Fox. Could you both be bigger morons? Come on, try.

At least El Presidente didn’t get anyone killed with his remarks. At least not yet anyway. And at least his stupid comment about Mexicans taking jobs that not even “blacks” would take was spoken extemporaneously. He didn’t have time to hide any deep lingering racism that he may harbor.

Oh, I don’t think that Vicente Fox is racist. Don’t get me wrong. Not spitefully bigoted anyway. He just put his “corra” in his “boca.” That’s all. Not that I don’t think he shouldn't go out of his way to be very nice to the African-American population from now on. He should.

But what the hell is Newsweek’s excuse? Could a publication be more moronic? I mean besides “O” magazine, whose name brings to mind Orgasms more than it does Oprah.

Orgasms and Oprah…


But no one mixed up in this whole Newsweek debacle has come out of it without saying or doing something incredibly asinine.

In case you haven’t heard (and there’s really no reason why you haven’t, it’s everywhere) Newsweek published a short article that accused interrogators at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Prison of desecrating the Islamic holy book, the Quran (or Koran), in order to break prisoners down and get them to spill whatever beans they may have rolling around in their terrorist heads.

Since the article was published it has spawned wrath and violent protests that have left at least 15 people dead.

Well, no shit.

The Koran is taken very seriously by the Islamic people. It’s almost like it’s their bible or something. To say to the world that American military personnel have little or no respect for it is just idiotic. I mean, come on, even the most brain-dead staffer at Newsweek had to be thinking “you know guys, maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

But the controversy over the article is the best kind of story. There doesn’t seem to be a single brain cell among anyone on any side.

The people at Newsweek are dumb-asses. Obviously. But so are the people rioting over the whole thing. I can understand their anger over having their religion being treated so shoddily. But let’s be a little honest here. Can any of the people wreaking havoc really say with a straight face that they’ve never given short-shrift to anyone else’s beliefs?

I doubt it.

Newsweek has since printed a retraction, as if that will do any good. Anyone so hot to riot doesn’t want to hear that the allegations were false. They’re just not interested. Once that hot-button is pressed, there’s no…um…un-pressing…it.

But what difference does it make to Muslims if some dumb Christians act like jerks? After all, followers of Muhammad, you’ll be spending eternity in Paradise, right? Let it go. Thumb your noses at the unenlightened in the afterlife. The best revenge is good afterlife living, I say.

But perhaps the biggest idiots in this entire fiasco are the good men and women at the State Department. They’re really pissed. They’ve accused Newsweek of doing irreparable damage to the U.S.'s “good” reputation overseas. Damn you Newsweek! The United States was doing so well before you came along and ruined everything!

That State Department guy was a hoot. Carl Reiner couldn’t have written a better punchline.

But my favorite quote came from a Newsweek spokesperson who was shocked by the response the article received. “Evidently there was a lot of tinder lying around and our story was the match.”

What?! Unrest in the Middle East? You’re kidding me! Next thing you know, up will be down, right will be left and Paris Hilton will be an actress!


Fun Fact: “Up” may well someday be “down.” And the “left” is moving dangerously close to the “right.” But Paris Hilton will never be an actress.

Oh, and the latest TAM Cartoon is up, in case you haven’t noticed. Stuptacious!

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