Wednesday, February 18, 2004

If You See a Mind Laying Around...It's Mine.

Okay, okay…I’m sorry.

I’ve been a busy man. Hard to believe isn’t it? This weekend I put in about 48 hours of work in three days! When it rains it pours, I guess (kudos to Morton’s Salt).

Am I feeling funny? Not really. No, really, it’s not a joke. I’m warning you. You should stop reading this. I’m tired. Shut up!

However, my Morton’s Salt reference earlier made me wonder why they use the slogan “when it rains it pours,” and why that little girl on the logo is carrying around (and spilling) all that salt, and why is it raining? What does salt have to do with rain? Why does that little girl need all that salt? Does she care that it’s spilling? Or, is she maybe participating in some kind of slug genocide? Maybe that’s why it’s raining, because all the slugs come out. Is she targeting snails as well? It seems only fair, I mean, when you think about it, snails are just slugs with fancy campers. Whay does Morton’s Salt hate our little slimy friends? Just because you create a powerful weapon against a species of creature doesn’t mean that you have to hate them so much. Screw you Morton’s Salt! Are you just mad because it takes us so long to go through a canister of your product? Is that why you have to find lethal uses for it?! I take back my kudos!

Boycott Morton’s Salt! They exploit logo children for their sinister ends!

My reference to Kudos earlier reminds me of granola bar type snacks. Do they still make those? Does the Kudos Company hate slugs too? How far up does this go? How long can I talk about slugs? All day really. No, really, all day. If they do in fact hate slugs, will I have to stop using the word “kudos?” Does anyone really use that word anymore? Do slugs ever use the word “kudos?” Do slugs realize that they are being targeted by huge corporations? Do they also think, as I do, that the picture on the front of my baking soda looks like World War II era communist propaganda?

I have more questions than answers people.

I warned you not to read this.

Slug Facts: Slugs are vegetarians and eat plants. Slugs use a long and very strong foot to move. No toes. And it's unlikely you would recognize a snail's (slugs) foot since it is very different from a human foot. Instead it's a long protrusion the snail uses to propel itself, just like humans use their feet. Slugs are invertebrates belonging to the scientific classification "Phylum Mollusca" and are closer to the octopus than the insect family. That means the lowly little slug you stepped on when you went to get the newspaper this morning is related to those huge creatures found deep in the ocean! (info. lazily cut and pasted from here)

Fun Fact: Perry Mason is on my TV! He tells me to do things. Ah, Perry, you so cleaver! Uh, I mean clever. That was a close one Perry.

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