Tuesday, July 20, 2004

In Your Face Commies!

As most of you probably already know, 35 years ago today the first man (an American) set foot on the surface of the moon.
It was an elaborate, and expensive, plan to stick it to the Russians during the cold war. And I have to say, it was a pretty cool plan. Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins became instant heroes and America delivered the first decisive blow in the battle of “we’re cooler than you.”
Now don’t think that I’m bitter about any of this. I’m not. I actually think that it was a completely valid reason for going to the moon. We weren’t going to get there just because of curiosity. Humans need a real reason to put their lives on the line. Usually, that has some connection to commercialism.
Even the international space station has some sort of commercial attachment. We’re not just building the thing to finally find out if ants get diarrhea in zero gravity. Not that I’m not immensely curious. But it’s sad really. There’s just no real money in space exploration when it’s done for exploration’s sake.
In fact, most of the recent spacecraft launched have been so because people down here need things like the reality TV network (new from FOX, ask your local cable provider for details). The military also likes to launch things into space, but I have no idea what those things are.
Okay, actually, I have no real idea if they do launch things into space, I’m guessing. But c’mon…
I think that space exploration is critically important. And I think that we shouldn’t have to wait until MTV wants to stage their next Rockin’ Spring Break in the Sea of Tranquility before we make the effort to get back to the moon. I just don’t understand it.
But that’s the way of the world, isn’t it. Something good usually comes from corporate greed. If it weren’t for money, Lewis and Clark would have never made their western expedition. If they hadn’t gone on that expedition and seen all that beautiful land, we would have never herded all those pesky Indians onto reservations. If we had never herded the Indians on to reservations, we wouldn’t have Indian Casinos. And if we didn’t have Indian Casinos, older women everywhere would be exponentially more bored.
See. I destroyed my own argument. Damn. Well, congrats anyway Neil, Buzz, and Michael.
It’s the middle of summer and everyone is going on vacation. I can already tell that the tourists have hit this town pretty hard. But the down side is that my readership has gone down greatly. It seems that people would rather go outside and enjoy the stupid sunshine than sit at home and read this super-cool blog.
But I’m here to tell you that you can do both! I mean, I have time to enjoy my summer and still write!
Enough of that. I’m not complaining, really. You are all uber-cool and stuff. Thanks for reading.
I thought that I would share with you some of the neato places that I have frequented during this fine summer season. Here is the first installment:
TAM’s Summer Destinations Part One.
My Dumpster

If you’re looking for an inexpensive summer sensory experience, you should visit my dumpster. This fine aromatic receptacle is strategically placed in the center of many of Los Angeles’s finest West Side communities and sits just seconds from the I10 freeway and I405, making it easy to travel to and from (except during rush hour). During the hot summer season, the dumpster’s pungent aroma really comes into its own, sometimes allowing for it to be enjoyed from a block away!
But be sure to plan your visit early, as traffic to the vessel picks up around the warmer months. The Hughes Ave. Dumpster is a perfect destination for the small-scale entrepreneur, and receives visits from the grocery cart wielding businessmen sometimes as much as twice a day, rendering the refuse container completely “glass and aluminum free!” Plus, they leave the lid open and the garbage strewn about, allowing for easier viewing!
However, the receptacle isn’t just for the transient population. Many of the indigenous population also make a daily trek to the prominently placed garbage eater. If you enjoy dog owners carrying little plastic bags of poo, then book your vacation to the Hughes Ave. Dumpster today!
This summer, say “yes” to bums and poo! When the kids ask “where are we going this year?” Don’t say “Disneyland.” You tell them you’re going to the Hughes Avenue Dumpster!
*Paid for by the Hughes Ave Dumpster Board of Tourism
Fun Fact: More than 8500 objects which could be classified as "space debris" can be detected through ground-based surveillance and radar detection systems.
And they’re all recyclable! Looks like it’s time to call in the “Bumstronauts!” 
And the new TAM cartoon is up!!

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