Tuesday, July 27, 2004

The Trouble With Tuesday

I don’t have a problem with Tuesday, do you? Do you?! What has Tuesday ever done to you? Probably nothing. It’s one boring day of the week, I tell ya’.

But enough about Tuesday, let’s talk about today. It’s Tuesday. The new TAM cartoon is up! The DNC was yesterday. I didn’t watch. We went to Costco. There’s nothing democratic about Costco. If there were, then Costco would care about my opinion and would always sell black beans instead of toying with my emotions.

But enough about my emotions, let’s talk about how I feel. Yesterday I thought that I was being original with my Capitol Hill satire. As is always the case, someone already beat me to that one. According to Tanya (who is a dubious source at best anyway) there is a cartoon out there with the exact same idea. She didn’t know what channel it was on and she didn’t know the name of it. I tried to look it up. I couldn’t find it. But she insists that it exists. Suuure it does, Tanya. She’s trying to steal my idea.

But seriously, I get tired of having my ideas snatched out of my head before I even think of them. The Simpsons are gross offenders. They steal everything! Even things that I would never think of! So at least I can rejoice in the fact that they didn’t steal this one.

Here are some ideas that hopefully no one will ever steal.

My Sister Poop

A yuppie woman living the exhausting life of an ambitious executive in Manhattan has her world begin to fall apart when her younger teenaged sister comes to move in with her. But her sister is unique – she’s a piece of poop. Literally. There’s hilarious high jinks aplenty when this smelly odd couple try to share a single apartment in the big city!

This is the Life

Wait, no it isn’t! When twentysomething Norm Crashcart was walking to meet his girlfriend for lunch one cool autumn day, he had only one thing on his mind – marriage! But Norm should have kept his mind on the street he was crossing, because before he could propose, he was run down by a cross town bus! Now Norm is six feet under, slowly decomposing, and reflecting on absolutely nothing – because he’s dead, and we get a front row seat!

Monitor, Monitor!

Chippie MacAmp is the computer monitor with a heart of gold. At least that’s what people say. They have to, you see – Chippie can’t talk! He’s a computer monitor. But that doesn’t stop him from trying to solve high class mysteries…no, wait…yes it does.

There. Steal those you dirty Hollywood bandits! Jerks! I mean, if you’re going to mug me, at least hit me or something. Give me something to tell to someone else’s grandchildren!

Fun Fact:  ¡Cumpleaños felices, eh!

Yes, that’s right it’s Jared’s birthday today. Happy birthday. Here’s a picture of you usted grande da un tirón.

Go to his site and show that you care. No, don’t.


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