Friday, August 26, 2005

I’m a Hottie

Not the good kind of hottie. The hot kind of hottie. The temperature kind. No, I don’t have a temperature…oh this is getting convoluted.

It’s hot outside. And because of my inside’s proximity to the outside and my person's proximity to my inside, I’m also hot. And since I can go no place that’s neither inside or outside…I’m screwed.

And did I mention hot?

I’m talking African continent if it moved to the surface of the sun and turned into Melissa Joan Hart hot.

Did I mention my baffling celebrity crush on Melissa Joan Hart?

The worst thing about this heat is that it was completely unexpected. Nobody predicted it. Or, if they did, they didn’t let me in on it. The weathermen in town all try to be cool about it. They try to talk about the heat, taking the focus squarely off of the fact that they seem to have slept through all those meteorology computer correspondence courses.

What happened to the old forecast? What happened to the 76º days that were promised me?!

Why do we even have a forecast? It’s never right. Locally, ignoring the fact that they can’t even predict the next five days, our LA ABC affiliate has instituted the 7 day forecast.

Wow! Seven days! Well, that’s more then isn’t it? This one goes to seven!

My love for seeing random numbers plastered across the screen accompanied by attractive graphics of clouds and suns aside, it’s just really two more days of useless crap. It just gets my hopes up.

And when I get my hopes up, there’s only one thing that I’ll let dash them and it’s not the weather. It’s emotional rejection. I’ve learned to live with that. It’s blasé to me now.

No, I’m kidding. I’m not afraid of emotional rejection. Don’t think I’m sad or weird. And whatever you do, don’t emotionally reject me.

Or do. Whatever.

My point is that I hate weatherman. I know that they act like idiots to escape reputability and therefore responsibility but I hate them anyway. Go and get your crap together, weathermen! Go back to school! That’s why your station managers give you email accounts, dummies!

The heat is messing with my little brain and making me cranky.

Did I mention that I’m hot?

And not the good kind?

Fun Fact: The latest TAM Cartoon is up! That’s a fact. And oh so fun! Hottastic!

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