Wednesday, August 10, 2005

O, the Horror!

I am a moderately dedicated fan of Mystery Science Theatre 3000. But my geekiness aside, I’ve watched a few episodes of MST3K and thought to myself “you know, if remade properly, that movie could actually be good!”

Well, maybe not good so much as palatable.

Of course, with my intense writers work ethic, so far there’s been no danger of a rewrite of “Manos: The Hands of Fate” from me. Although, I do believe that Torgo is one of America’s great literary figures…

But I did get a little more than excited to see that one of the films I thought could be made into a “real-life” living, breathing movie actually made it to the big screen.

From the first trailer for the latest Ewan McGregor picture, “The Island,” I knew it was an updated version of “Parts: The Clonus Horror.”

Excitedly, I sat with baited anticipation, waiting for the interview with the director that would clench it. I waited for Ewan to smirk excitedly as he told the world that his movie was a rehashing of a really dumb b-flick where a can of Old Milwaukee beer prompts a poor clone to realize that he wasn’t going to “America” after all.

We could all have a really good laugh together and the "mysties" of the world would finally feel like they could come out of their mother’s closets.

But no.

It never happened.

Why? Where is the fun? Just because “Parts: The Clonus Horror” is truly a horror, doesn’t mean that “The Island” will suffer as its bastard son. What could have gone wrong?

Well, it turns out…a lot of things.

First, “The Island” didn’t need to be the bastard son of “Parts:” just to flop at the box office. It did just fine on its own. Granted, I’ve havent seen it, but I’d be willing to bet that it’s because they left out the Old “Mil…Wau…Kee.”

And why didn’t the producers and the actors let us in on the joke of the films origins?

Because they didn’t have permission to use the premise, that’s why? And I have to admit, I was a little suspicious that this might be the case. From the trailers you can tell that these two films are almost identical. The new one has better technology, better looking leads and no Peter Graves, but they’re essentially the same film.

And now the producers of “The Island” are being sued. This is from Eonline:

CLONE THIS: According to Variety, the producers of 1979's indie flick, Parts: The Clonus Horror suing Warner Bros. and DreamWorks over their box office flop, The Island, claiming it ripped off their movie. They seek unspecified damages and are asking a court to order the film be pulled from theaters and bar its further release.

See, that’s why I haven’t remade “Manos.” I don’t want to get sued.

Well, it sure as hell ain’t because I don’t want to see a bunch of hot possessed chicks wrestle in see-through robes…

Fun Fact: I will totally geek out here on MST3K and admit that I actually really dig the music from “I Accuse My Parents.” Honestly. I secretly dream of re-recording those songs someday.

I should find out who owns the rights though first.

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