Endless Summer

Labor Day is over. It’s the “unofficial end of summer.” At least that’s what I gather. They’ve been saying that ad nauseum this morning on the news. (Just out of curiosity, my lovely Aussie readers, was this last weekend the “unofficial end of winter?”)

Personally, I can’t wait for the end of summer. Is I’ve said before, the autumn is my absolute favorite time of the year. All the little snot-noses of the nation are headed back to their under-funded schools to learn how to abuse drugs and have unprotected sex. All is right with the world.

However, the end of summer seems to be coming at a snails pace here in southern California. While the entire state of Florida performs Act 3, scene 2 from Shakespeare’s ‘King Lear,’ we here in the entertainment capital of the world have been hit with a stupid heat wave.

This is “sunny California” sure, but it’s been hovering around 100º here. That’s hot for this place. Usually, the summers only get up to around 87º or so. That’s why so many people live here. For example, our apartment doesn’t have air-conditioning, and in the more than three years that we’ve lived in it, we’ve never turned on the heater. That’s how temperate the weather usually is. Granted, the lack of air-conditioning isn’t a choice we made, that’s how the place came. But, truly, we don’t typically need it. And as far as heat goes, common sense tells me that if the heater’s been collecting dust for three years, you shouldn’t turn it on. Even if we do now have smoke detectors. But we don’t really need heat either.

Anyway, it’s been hot around here. So we’ve been finding excuses all weekend to go to places with air-conditioning. And since the quiet, child-free screenings at FOX have spoiled us, making “civilian” movie theatres the most annoying experience this side of watching FOX television, we couldn’t go to a movie.

That only leaves a couple of options. Restaurants and malls. Or mall restaurants. Or restaurant malls.

So we went out for dinner a couple times and headed out to the Westside Pavilion. It’s not that we really needed to buy anything. But it seems that the heat wave was cooked up by the Greater LA Chamber of Commerce, because we bought anyway. Not too much, just three pairs of sunglasses, some jewelry, a coat rack (to go with the magazine rack and complete the trifecta of adulthood), a purse and some “smelly” stuff.

Hopefully, you realize that most of those items weren’t for me. Although the purse is nice. But the smelly stuff…that’s mine.

I like things that smell. I should say that I like things that smell nice. Especially if they smell like autumn. Confused? Go to Bath and Body Works, you’ll understand.

See, they have new scents in at B&BW. Pumpkin, maple and apple. A trinity of greats if you ask me. So I bought “room perfume” in all three flavors. It sounds girlie, but let me tell you, it’s all man, baby! And I sprayed them all at once too. One shouldn’t be asked to choose when it comes to great autumnal smells like these. Now the apartment smells like some wonderful orchard-patch forest.

B&BW has many wonderful smells to pollute the world with. They also sell essential oils. Now, we have an oil burner and I’ve been looking for some essential oils at a reasonable price. They get spendy. I refuse to pay $20 for cinnamon oil. REFUSE!

But these days, it gets difficult to find “pure” essential oils. Aroma therapy is all the rage now, and places like B&BW try to “help” by combining individual oils into one great “Super Oil.” Oils to relax, oils to heal, oils to give you a boner, oils to relax and heal your boner... This is no help. Listen B&BW, and the rest of you holistic olfactory freaks, I’ll combine my own oils! I’m not trying to cure cancer with my nose! I just want my apartment to smell like pumpkin pie!

And everyone should be lucky enough to have an apartment that smells like pumpkin pie. That’s what a democratic society is all about.

Pumpkin Pie.


Fun Fact: Here is some “interesting” trivia about pumpkin pies:

The first and simplest of all pumpkin puddings made by the Pilgrims, involved picking the pumpkin, washing it, hollowing it out, filling it with cream or milk, and baking it whole. This is what developed into pumpkin pie about 50 years after that first Thanksgiving.

Yes, but could it give you an erection?


Oh yeah, the latest TAM Cartoon is up! Yup!