Thursday, October 07, 2004

Get Off My Radio Already!

Howard Stern announced yesterday that he’s leaving Clear Channel for Satellite radio. He gave his perfunctory goodbye to free radio with his usual flair.

Yeah, death to free radio. Good one, Howie. I guess that free radio didn’t treat the big man good enough. He couldn’t do the show that he wanted to do. The FCC and common decency wouldn’t allow it.

That’s why he’s leaving old-school broadcasting. Well, that and the $500 million they offered him over at Sirius. $500 million?! Personally, I think it’s a bad idea. But then again, I don’t even have a real job, so my business head isn’t to be trusted.

But Howard is finally going to able to do the type of radio show he wants to. Finally! Thank god! I can’t wait! It’s about time that Howard’s genius is unchained.

As you can probably tell, I don’t listen to Howard Stern. Tanya does, but personally, I can’t stand the dude. I hate “Shock Jocks” in general. I lump a lot of people into that category. People like Tom Lycus and Dr. Laura. Actually, anyone who annoys the hell out of me on the radio; Hilary Duff, Brittany Spears, automobile “superstores...” Man, radio in general, I guess (not KJAZ 88.1 Los Angeles, they kick ass!). If I was on the radio, I’d hate me too.

And so should you. I have nothing to contribute. You read this blog, you know what I’m talking about.

I was surprised to learn that XM satellite radio has a Playboy Channel. I would actually be interested in hearing that. I mean, what do they do on that station? Pornographic radio drama? Sexiest voice competitions? In depth interviews with playmates? Oh god, no! If anyone out there has ever listened to the Playboy Channel, clue me in. I used to sneak into my ex-stepfather’s room to watch the Playboy Channel, but even that was kind of lame. And if a 13-year-old boy is calling the Playboy Channel lame, it may be time to re-think the programming strategy.

Okay, I broke down and looked it up over at XM, it looks like the Playboy Radio Channel is super-lame.

They also have Opie and Anthony on their “premium” programming. 4 hours of idiocy for one low, low price every month.

But I do have to say one thing, thank you Satellite radio for freeing up time on no-pay-radio. Unfortunately, these idiots that left for satellite radio will just be replaced with different idiots and the inane gyroscope of lunacy will just keep on spinning.

But don’t take my opinion too seriously, after all, I am listening to Christmas music right now. Can you really trust the taste of a man who likes to listen to Bing Crosby croon “Jingle Bells” in early October?

But, they describe this new trend in radio programming as “Adult Programming.” Why is it that the things that are labeled “Adult” are invariably the most juvenile?

Fun Fact: I have lost 15 pounds! At least that’s what my scale tells me. Then again, if I lean back while standing on it, it tells me that I’ve lost 30 lbs.

If I push down on the wall, I’m really skinny.

Lose weight now, ask me how.

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