Hey, hello. It’s me. TAM. Ruler of this blog, voice of confused reason on the internet, purveyor of secret contests. Who did you expect? Sitting Bull? (Oh, happy “deathday” Sitting Bull. You were one heck of an American.)
Yes, that’s right, I was holding a secret contest. It was over at TAM too. I told you to go there. I told you that there was neat stuff there. You didn’t believe me, did you? I know you didn’t. Know how I can tell? Because that site gets about one hit a day. The numbers are dismal. I decided to run a secret contest to boost the hit count. The numbers continued to be dismal.
I never said that I was smart. See, the problem with running a secret contest is that it can’t be advertised. It’s a secret after all.
You may not know what the secret contest was (considering that no one still has gone to TAM too), so let me explain. There are comments enabled over at that site. No one ever makes a comment, but they’re still enabled. I don’t really care that no one comments. It’s not necessary that they do. But I took the opportunity to make some comments of my own under the bottom post in the September archives. It went a little like this:
Hey, Look at you, you found this comment. Your dedication to mediocre cartooning will not go unrecognized!
I decided that not enough people visit the TAM Cartoon archives, so I thought that I would run a secret contest.
Congratulations, since you’re reading this, you've won! I'll bet that you're wondering what the grand prize is aren’t you? Well, I thought that I would use my mediocre song writing skills to write a song especially for you, chronicling your journey to the TAM Cartoon archives and your adventurous spirit.
Doesn't that just want to make you claim your prize as soon as possible? We'll you'll have to do a couple things first. Go to The Anthropomorphic Male (The "Go Home" link on TAM too) and post a comment under the most recent post saying that you’ve discovered the secret contest and that you won. Of course you'll have to let me know who you are and whether or not you actually want the prize (if you don't then just don't say anything, let someone else discover this comment, I'm not made of clever ideas you know!) and then I'll write you a song and post it on The Anthropomorphic Male!
And that’s basically it. Julie has won! She took the hint and went. Bully for her. Sitting Bully for her (may he rest in peace.)
The contest has been going on since October 8th. That’s really sad. I’ve been waiting, somewhat impatiently, for someone to find it. Now someone has. Have I mentioned that the someone was Julie? I think I did.
Now that the Christmas album is finished (it will be sent out shortly, except you lucky FOX people who get it this morning) I will have some time to work on Julie’s song. I don’t quite know what it’s going to be about. But I’m sure that it will have something to do with a secret contest.
I was going to run another contest for the 10,000th visitor. But there are too many people that come here for random things (like the lyrics to “Picture Book” and that St. Joseph “Pumps Your Blood” song) to make a contest like that practical. The only ones who go to the TAM Cartoon Archives are you.
I don’t know if I’ll have any more secret contests in the future. I couldn’t tell you if I did. Congrats to the 10,000th visitor. It’ll happen today. You get nothing.
Fun Fact Legendary Native American Sitting Bull died on this day 1890 according to my trusty Simpsons Calendar. The Simpsons are never wrong.
We’ll miss you, Bull, you’re the only man I’ve ever known who fought against the displacement of Native Americans, kicked General Custer’s butt and then ran to Canada only to return to perform pony tricks in Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show and then retire to the reservation where you kicked up trouble and were arrested for it only to be killed during a daring escape attempt from custody.
The only one.