Monday, December 20, 2004

I ♥ Me

What do you get the consummate narcissist for Christmas? Jared and Tosha know. Why, you give them copies of their own fantastic work, of course. Handsomely presented to make it look important and grand.

Of course.

Here it is. I took a picture of it this morning while the president bored the entire United States into submission.

It looks festive next to those apples, don’t it?

Speaking of apples, did anyone else watch the presidential press conference? If so, could you please tell me exactly what we all learned from it? I mean besides the fact that – even when it’s Georgie’s asinine self – I feel incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassed for a person who can’t find the right words to look smart. It’s not his fault. I’m sure I would do the same thing. But I do think it’s important that if you’re going to feed the country a line of crap, it’s imperative that you don’t look like your just making the lie up off the top of your head.

Back to Jared and Tosha’s thoughtful Christmas gift. It’s the first 28 TAM Cartoons. It’s a much better presentation of them than I currently have – loosely shoved in a drawer. They did a nice job laying it all out. Well done. Here’s another picture. The snowman insisted that I let him in the shot. Stupid pushy snowmen.

You can’t really tell from the picture, but the snowman has a broken arm! Gruesome!

Speaking of gruesome. It’s been all over the news. I’m talking about the Kansas woman who went to Missouri, strangled a pregnant woman, cut her unborn fetus from her belly and then went back home pretending that she just gave birth.

The husband claims that he thought she actually had the baby.

I’m no expert, but don’t pregnant women usually get a little bigger? Sure, there have been some women who didn’t know they were pregnant until a baby popped out of them, but they’re usually – let’s just say – larger. The woman who perpetrated this horrific murder/fetusnapping was not a – larger – woman. Just crazy. Very crazy. Extremely crazy.

But according to the news (or what I saw of it before Bushie came on to try and convince me that Iraqi election were actually going to take place and that they would be fair, despite the fact that the Bush administration keeps telling us how they’re going to turn out before they’ve even happened) the hubbie still claims to be innocent. This crazy lady, her name is Lisa Montgomery, met the victim on the internet. She went over to the victim’s house under the pretense of seeing her dogs. Then, allegedly, she killed her, cut her baby out of her (1 month premature) and headed back home to show “her” new baby all over town.

Yeah, the baby lived.

So, the husband didn’t know that she wasn’t actually pregnant, huh? He didn’t care to be there for the birth? What the hell kind of people are these? A guy on the news, a friend of the family, said that Lisa and her hubbie didn’t see each other very much. Only a couple hours a day.

But they did know each other, right? Maybe he really likes to watch TV or something. No wonder Lisa’s crazy for a kid. She just wants someone to pay attention to her. Someone to at least realize when she’s lying and murdering and stuff!

Here’s a picture of Montgomery:

She doesn’t look at all crazy, does she? But I got to say, that’s one ugly preemie.

What’s wrong with people?! What could make a woman kill for a baby?! Wasn’t the dog enough? She looks like an attentive dog mother. She should have stuck to dogs. This is horrible. But get used to it; you’re going to hear a lot about it in the future.

Oh, and thank you Jared and Tosha for the thoughtful gift.

Fun Fact: Other people have also given us thoughtful gifts this year. Don’t think that just because I didn’t take a picture of it and post it on the blog that I didn’t really like it.

But this particular gift ties in to this blog. The Simpsons have their own web page. Thanks for the ornaments! You know who you are. The only other people to actually send an actual gift. I categorize “actual gifts” as the ones without a magnetic strip on the back. Don’t get me wrong, I like the strip.

The strip is good.

Long live the strip!

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