Arrested Development

I hope you all a great weekend. Most of all, I hope that it was far more productive than mine. It’s amazing how little I get done on the weekends around here.

We did buy a new DVD player, but that’s only because our old one just stopped working. I’ve fixed the old DVD player once, all by myself. It was a delicate procedure, and very stressful, I had to crack the thing open to look inside, but it had one of those stickers on it that said if I did, I would void my warranty. My little heart was racing when I ripped that sticker, I tell you. But I fixed it. Don’t know what I did, but I fixed it.

But this was the last straw. We had to buy a new one. I didn’t want to ruin my DVD player fixing ratio. Besides, they’re really cheap these days. You can get a DVD player for less money than you can a VCR! Ain’t technology grand?

But enough about the new DVD player, we’re not here for that.

Did anyone watch the MTV Video Music Awards this weekend? I didn’t. I hate that channel.

It’s an election year, so of course the VMAs tried to do their civic duty by “rockin’ the vote.” P-Diddy’s hypocrite self was on hand to tell people to “Vote or Die.” Interesting choice of words for a man in the rap biz. I think he’s actually serious though. I mean, we all know that he has a gun right? J-Lo knows it – everyone knows it, with the possible exception of 12 people good and true…

Anyway, the presidential candidates sent their daughters to the awards to drum up business for the democratic process. But they were booed! On MTV?! What do these high-minded kids have against democracy?! Anarchists, I tells ya’! Anarchists.

Really, though, what did MTV expect? The audience was there to yell over their favorite performers – and maybe catch a little ass – that’s what the “MYOFB generation” is all about, isn’t it? As far as I can tell, when it’s not an election year, that’s pretty much the MTV corporate dogma. MTV built this monster from the corpses of every irresponsible get-rich-quick, pop-culture junkie of the last 20 years.

See, MTV is like the world’s loser big brother. He wanders in around two o’clock in the morning suffering from alcohol-induced depression with his stoner buds and a couple of half-naked chicks and then proceeds to “save” you and your hopelessly uncool teenaged friends with timely rhetoric about your civic responsibility and the perils of drug abuse, all the while sucking ecstasy tablets from the pierced belly button of an easy, sloppy drunk supermodel. You understand that there are words coming out of his mouth, but the only thing you’re really thinking about is how many more beers will it take for the chick's cut-offs to hit the floor – and would God be so benevolent as to make her pass out on your lap?

I never thought that MTV should mix itself up in the “responsibility” racket. It confuses the weaker-minded people of the world:

MTV will now take the pulpit with a reading from the book of “do as I say, not as I do.”

But remember kids, good advice like this doesn’t come cheap, so please, dig deep and give what you can to further the cause. We need your parent’s hard earned cash in order to spread the good word kids.

Oh, and Puffy wants to hire another butler.


Speaking of MTV and voting, there is a new study out that states that young voters could have a profound effect on the election this year.

Funny, I seem to have heard this story before – oh, that’s right, I heard it every freaking four years for my entire freaking life!

Here’s my guess…the young people vote will be a big disappointment this year.

ROCK THE VOTE (OR DIE)!

Maybe Puffy’s threats will do the trick this year?


Fun Fact: The gym continues to be a bastion of pent-up rage. The cops actually had to come today to settle a dispute over piece of workout equipment. Two guys got into it and started pushing each other around.

Stupid.

Where were they when that lady hung her backpack on the cross-trainer so that I couldn’t use it while she went downstairs and stretched for ten minutes?! HUH?! Now that’s an injustice.

Cops are never around when you need them.