Friday, August 27, 2004

Picture Day

They’re finally here! After much eagerness and edge of seat sitting, I’m finally going to let you in on the secret of my family addition.

My sister had a little boy. His name is Asher Vance Stewart. My mom says that his name makes him sound like a Wild West gunslinger. Tanya thinks that he sound like a pro skater (skateboarding that is).

Well they’re both right, he’ll be the first Wild West skateboarding gunslinger. Here is a picture of him:

Wait, now that I look at the picture I see that I’ve posted the wrong one. That’s actually a somewhat arty picture of a pink bowl filled with wrinkly peaches.

But Asher is a newborn so you can understand my confusion. They basically look the same. Here is the real picture of him:

He’s huge! Evidently, my sister gave birth to a one-year-old. How’s that for muscle control. He’s not purple like my last nephew, but his face is a little red.

Man, he thinks he’s embarrassed now, just wait until he gets to know his family.

My niece, Lily, was a little apprehensive about her new bro. It’s understandable. She said that the birth of this baby was going to change her life “forever!” She speaks in half-truths, but while I’m sure she was going for dramatic effect, it’s nice to know that she’s planning on living forever. You have to set goals, people.

That's a picture of Lily with her new brother. She doesn’t really have a moustache; I’ve done that to protect her identity. I put one on the baby just for fun and now he looks like a pensive Mexican diplomat in drag.

Asher doesn’t look very big in this picture, but what you have to keep in mind is that Lily is in fact seven feet tall.

But I do need to take issue with Lily’s choice of hat. If you can’t tell, Hilary Duff has a death grip on my niece’s psyche. Lily idolizes Hilary Duff with a fervent devotion not seen since the days of Manson and Squeaky Fromme. I keep trying to explain to Lily that Hilary Duff is in actuality a crazed crack addicted annoying non-entity who beats children and harbors terrorists, but Lily gets mad when I say those things. Kids just can’t handle the truth, I guess.

Anyway, Congrats Mandy and Josh. And Asher, it’s little consolation I know but – welcome to the family.

Fun Fact I hear that there was someone out there who was a little disappointed that I didn’t put any pictures up of my new easel. Here you go…big baby.

Look, there’s Dog in the background again. Everyone wave to Dog. Wave!

It’s not the best easel in the world but it’s well worth the $40 I spent on it. Go to Costco and get your own today!

If you look closely at the picture, you will see that the easel is holding the latest TAM cartoon, which is up! How’s that for synergy?!

Damnit, I had to choose the word “synergy” didn’t I. Now I’ve got the theme song for “Gem” stuck in my stupid child-of-the-80s head! It’s Asher’s Mother’s fault that I even know that dumb song! Thanks Mandy!

Sisters suck.

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