Friday, August 06, 2004

Fat Boy…Slim?

First of all, I want to thank all of you for your thoughtful birthday wishes. Of course, none of them made me any younger…

I’ve decided to embarrass myself a little today. I know, you thought I did that every day. No, today I’m going the extra mile.

Brandon commented that he would like to see some “fat Robb” pics. Ask and ye shall receive. Unless you’re asking for money, then you’re SOL. I don’t have any. Talk to Tanya.

So here they are, specially selected by yours truly for maximum embarrassment.

Anatomy of a Fat Kid

Identities properly protected.

I couldn’t find any good pictures of me when I was a little kid, so I’ll have to start with Junior High. This one’s a gem:

As you can see, this is embarrassing on a couple different levels. I’m fat, sure. But the saxophone is the kicker here. Yes, I was also a band geek. So what. I’m not ashamed of it.

Many years after that picture was taken I graduated from High School. How’s that for a transition? Here is one of my senior pictures taken back when I only had one “B” in my first name:

Not a very good picture. I’ve always been a procrastinator. I waited until two days before the yearbook deadline to get this taken. I had it taken at this place at the mall. There was no touch-up. See, that way they could get it to you in less than two hours. Besides, I always felt that if you had a bad complexion, you should document it in the yearbook so that you can look back and remember that you once had a prescription for Retin-A (and it wasn’t for wrinkles).

Also, from the picture, if you look closely, you can see that I have that horrible ponytail and I’m wearing two – count ‘em, two – button-up-the-front shirts. But it was cool back then…really. In the early nineties we liked to layer. I guess we figured that if we spent the money on the wardrobe we might as well wear it – all at once. I still wear shirts similar to that. But now I wear them one at a time.

Don’t make fun, people. Let anyone who has never wanted or worn a pair of British Knights cast the first stone…

Anyway, I graduated and went to community college. I put on even more weight. I gained the freshman 15 alright. But, remember that I went to college for eight years. That means that I had about three freshman years.

Here’s a picture from that time:

This picture contains an added bonus. It’s me (on the left…the fat one) and Mike (visit the Filthy Scarecrow) in Seattle.

I’m fat, fat, fatty-fat-fat.

When I finally went to a “real” college I decided that I’d had enough of being a fatty. I lost a lot of weight, really quick. 110 pounds in about three-and-a-half months.

Diet and exercise. No, I didn’t have an eating disorder. But you’d never know it from looking at this next picture:

I call this my holocaust survivor picture. It also contains an added bonus. The dude with the “sexually correct” shirt on is Jared (visit And no, it wasn’t taken on our honeymoon. We were in a play called Angry Housewives.

My arms look like they’re about to snap off.

And who exactly does Jared think he’s kidding with that shirt?

So, there you have it. My fatness in all it’s fatty glory. I’m a little embarrassed, but what the hell, I didn’t have anything to write about today anyway.

Fun Fact: Tanya hijacked my post the other day. In her fun fact she mentioned that my car doesn’t have door handles. She was mistaken. My car does have door handles.

They’re just in the trunk.

And, the new TAM cartoon is up! Hoorah!

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