George Bush is a Pain in the Butt

Colin Powell has resigned. Condoleeza Rice has taken over. I’m glad that we didn’t change leadership in the midst of a bloody war. Thank god Bush is still in office. After all, it was his singular leadership that people voted for anyway.

It’s sad actually. While I’m happy to have the first black woman Secretary of State, Condoleeza is a crony. She’ll do whatever George says to do. Which is a little like Pinocchio putting on a puppet show.

At least Colin was a free thinker. He was bold and opinionated. I’m baffled as to why we pronounce his name Colon when it’s obviously not spelled that way…but he’ll be missed.

I know that the cabinet usually changes between terms, but I feel like this time, it’s hypocritical. What about all that campaign talk?

But I really expected nothing less from this president. And they Bill Clinton was a manipulator? At least he only screwed one person at a time.

In other news, the Vibe Awards were filmed last night. But before you get all excited about who won “coolest collabo,” “enterprising entrepreneur,” “reelist video,” or which city won the coveted “most influential region” award – there were problems.

A fight broke out! A fight! At the Vibe Awards?! Not them too? Thugs have already taken over the Source Awards and now they’re trying to contaminate the Vibe Awards?! The Vibe awards are an institution too important to be broadcast on network television.

You know, rappers may be able to someday get together to give out self-congratulatory, absolutely meaningless award someday without someone being stabbed, but really what’s the point? They’re just keeping it real. Stabbing is real, damnit! Rappers just rap about what they see everyday. People get stabbed, damnit. Rappers know because most of the time it’s them doing the stabbing.

See, someone punched Dr. Dre right before he was to accept his…um…his…lifetime achievement award…sorry, I had to compose myself before I wrote that. A melee broke out. A dude got stabbed. They got the whole thing on tape. But in true gangsta’ style, no one got arrested.

Snoop Dog and Quincy Jones just stood there staring. Doing nothing but looking a little scared.

I wonder if Quincy Jones ever looks around him and thinks “what the hell am I doing here? I’ve written and produced countless hits and TV show themes. I’ve almost gained universal acclaim as a true artist and composer?! Why do I hang out with these thugs?” And then looks in his overstuffed wallet and thinks, “Oh…of course!”

Oh, and you da’ original gangsta’, Snoop.


Fun Fact: Actually, I am the original gangsta’! You better scram, get on the ameche and tell your moll to hand over the mazuma, yous mugs, before I start spittin’ lead!

And the new TAM Cartoon is up fo’ shizzle.