Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Slow Gnus Day

It’s always a slow news day around here. That’s the problem with working alone all day from home; I have no funny anecdotes to share about my stupid co-workers. I have only one stupid co-worker, and he’s me.

But on that note, I wish the knucklehead I share my office space with would stop peeing with the door open. And what the hell is with the two-hour lunch?! It’s not like he works that hard!

Not to mention that he’s almost completely worthless. The other day, the printer was screwed up and he spent about two hours trying to fix it until he finally decided to restart the computer! Always restart the computer, you moron! It’s the absolute fix for every computer problem! The computer has an almost unholy ability to fix itself most of the time. People who don’t restart as their first option usually think of themselves as computer savvy. But what they actually are is $700 bucks poorer after they screw up their entire system.

And I get sick of the Christmas music. It’s November!

Okay, enough of that, I’m starting to creep myself out. Talking about oneself in the third person is abnormal. That’s why this man will stop doing it. He’ll stop doing it right now. Referring to oneself in the third person is best reserved for aristocracy and gangsta’ rappers. Neither of which, this person is.

Not to mention that I was starting to have an identity crisis. It’s hard to have your foibles pointed out to you so lucidly. It’s hurtful. Especially when those comments come from yourself.

I suppose I have only myself to blame.

The other day I gave you examples of what sickness does to synopses writing. This post is a prime illustration of what sickness, boredom and a bizarre sense of obligation can do to a blog post.

It isn’t pretty. But I have some time left in my posting allotment. What to talk about? See, I have no pretense of importance here at TAM, it’s all crap. Hopefully everyone keeps that in mind, especially my mother whom I haven’t heard from since I ripped into the ethics of the Republican party (is it moral to use morality to get elected only to later deny that it was the deciding factor in the election thus basically giving a big screw you to the hopeful mass-going masses who expect the government to turn into some kind of theocracy?).

Naw, I’m sure it’s coincidence, right mom?

I’ve been sitting here for five minutes trying to think of something to say. It’s time to call it a day.

Fun Fact: Here’s a festive holiday treat for all of you dieting hot-beverage drinkers.

Brew a cup of Celestial Seasonings Nutcracker Sweet Holiday Tea or Gingerbread Spice Holiday Tea (if you can find it in your stores, we stocked up on it last year and it’s still good). Add one packet of Splenda no-calorie sweetener and a little bit of low calorie, low fat, low carb French Vanilla flavored non-dairy coffee creamer.

It’s tasty and won’t burst your belt buckle.

Substitute Bailey’s Irish Cream for the French Vanilla creamer if you’re in the mood for something even more festive and inebriating.

The new TAM Cartoon is up and…I’m out!

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