Monday, November 15, 2004

I Blame Corporate Greed for My Puny Arms

That’s right, I said it and I’ll say it again. Damn you corporate greed! Because of you I have the biceps of a ten year old girl! Figuratively. Not literally. Even rampant corporate gluttony couldn’t make me actually steal a little girl’s arm muscles.

Not yet anyway.

But I’m getting there fast, I tell you. Our gym has become a madhouse. Usually these things die down after a while. But not this time, it’s only getting worse. I also partially blame daylight saving time. It used to be that it was dark when we went to the gym. But now it’s light and airy, birds chirp, the air’s crisp, all is right with the world.

Enough! I want the gloomy old days of daylight saving! When it was near impossible to drag my tired ass out of bed (and not just because my arms are so puny that I can barely lift the covers).

Other people had a problem getting to the gym too. It was perfect. Nothing but empty cross-trainers as far as the eye could see.

Now everybody’s suddenly turned into a bunch of roided out Benjamin Franklins (no, not $100 dollar bills…“Early to be, early to rise…”). And stupid Bally Total Fitness is doing nothing about it. They don’t care that I can’t get my workout done. They don’t care that I’m unhealthy. They don’t care that I sweat when I eat sharp cheddar cheese (that really has nothing to do with them, I guess). They just care that I’m not broke. Or at least, Bankrupt.

The gym keeps filling up. The parking lot keeps filling up. But Bally just keeps signing ‘em up. There’s no quota. There’s no cap. They’ll keep signing people up until there’s no chance for anyone but the most intimidating to get any kind of exercise. Then they’ll build a new gym and start all over again.

Well, Bally, I can’t wait that long. Besides, they just built a new gym. But there’s little hope that it’ll actually affect the attendance at my gym. It’s in Inglewood! No one wants to work out in da hood!

I can’t sit around waiting for the hood to become gentrified. It takes too long. Stop signing people up, damnit!

It’s bait and switch, isn’t it? When I signed up for the gym, I think that I had a reasonable expectation that I would actually be able to work out. Was I wrong?!

In conclusion, yes I was.

I hate you Bally.

Fun Fact: I didn’t watch the AMAs last night. I don’t think I was alone. But I did catch little snippets of them during the commercial breaks from Law and Order Criminal Investigation.

It’s ironic, I like Dick Clark, but I hate every show he’s ever produced (except American Bandstand…when it was good).

Diana Ross and Anna Nichole Smith need serious help. Seriously, it’s not funny anymore. At this point, doing nothing would be tantamount to reckless indifference and assisted suicide.

And just because, Usher insisted on dedicating his awards to “all the ladies,” doesn’t change the fact that he’s gay.

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