Thursday, June 03, 2004

I Bring You Greetings…From The FUTURE!

So, working out at the gym today, I heard this hip-hop song…maybe I don’t need to preface that, I mean, if I ever say “I heard this hip-hop song today,” you can pretty much bet that I was at the gym at the time.

So, I heard this hip-hop song today and it was all about the way things were in the 80s. I realize that we’ve become a nostalgic society, but when it starts to invade the pristine world of hip-hop, it’s gotten to be an epidemic.

The song is called “Back in the Day” by Missy Elliot and Jay-Z.

Here is the chorus:

"Go back in the day
BKs and gold chains
Do the prep and cabbage patch
And wear your laces all fat
Back in the day
Hip hop has changed."

But, seriously, how many nights have you wasted talking about Scooby Doo (before the comeback), or GI Joe, or the Smurfs, or Canvas Keds for guys, or about the insanity that was Hypercolor gym shorts (why would you want your crotch to turn different colors…etc)?

I’ve done a lot of it. Some may say that I’m hypocritical for even thinking about this post, since I’m probably the most nostalgic person I know. Who cares, I’m just trying to help.

We should start getting nostalgic about the present, I say. That’s just what I’m going to do. I’ll just have to jump a few years into the future. I’ll skip ahead 20 years and start this post over.

God Ye Good-Den, Humanos!

Happy Monday, June 3, 2024!

Weird, that I got so specific about the date, huh? Gobilliet is forever…

I was just thinking the other day about how much things have changed in the past 20 years. Mostly because I picked up a vintage copy of The Day After Tomorrow! What a stupid flick! But, I had to have it you know, call me crazyhat.

I got it on Drivadisk. I’m sorry, I know it’s not the same. “Movie purists” are always telling me that nothing is better than DVD, but c’mon, I’m not made of money you know! I hear that you can still get it on DVD if you’re brave enough to head down to Hollywood Blvd. It’ll still cost you $5000! Gobilliet is forever…

But, I realized that most of our past from the 2000s (did we call it that? Maybe the Aughts? I can’t remember) had been erased with the “war on terrorism.” I still think it was a stupid idea for President Jeb Bush to ban all private laser devices! But at least we’re relatively safe. They just downgraded the terrorist alert to yellow. We’ll see how long that lasts.

It’s strange that this war isn’t over yet. You would think that after we completely obliterated the Middle East in the nuclear attack of 2010, it would have curbed some of the threat? Oh well, Gobilliet is forever, I guess.

Speaking of the Middle East, Tanya and I just got back from the Baghdad area. It’s really interesting. I recommend it highly. Especially the “Dunes of Glass.” Breathtaking! Hop in your autocar and go! C’mon, from Incorporated L.A. it only takes about ten hours! No excuses, you can sleep in the car!

That’s funny that I mentioned that, because it was on the Simpsons last night. I’m still giggling because of that Ralph line, “me kuna huna smells like dog water!”

Classic Ralph.

I just picked up the 20th season on drivadisk. I don’t know if I’m going to get the rest, they sorta’ went downhill from there, but it looks as though they’re going to pick back up again.

I’m digressing. Back to the “good old days.” I just remember that everyone was really fat! Like 50 pounds overweight fat! Stupid humans. Like Josie the Detractor always says, “Mere stupidity isn’t enough to run an empire, it takes real idiocy.”

True that, Madame Detractor, true that.

But we finally got that fat thing nipped in the bud. I remember the struggles I had. Pay a couple thousand dollars for a gym membership and have to actually go to the place! It may not seem like a lot of money now, but believe me; it put a pretty big dent in the old pocketbook.

God, you remember pocketbooks?!

That’s one thing that’s better now. I’ll take my cyborstomach over actual exercise any day!

What else was there? Oh yeah, gas only cost $2.79, people still wore separate pants and shirts (I still have some, but they’re too big for me now), and cigarettes caused cancer (but some of us were brave enough to smoke them anyway).

Well, I would love to sit around and reminisce but I have to go to the set. We’re shooting a new holofeature called My Day, My Dream with Roses. It’s a nice little romance and the action sequences are spectacular!

But I have to get moving because someone has to get the actors their water! If they don’t get it, they turn into real beasts…no, I mean it…actual snarling bloodthirsty beasts…it’s scary. Back in my day, that didn’t happen. I knew plastic surgery was a bad idea.

I have to thank Tanya for the job, but it’s the least she could do after becoming the CEO at Fox. And they say you can’t work your way up anymore! Ha, ha, Gobilliet is forever!

Fun Fact: Felinus dogs are actually good when served cold. Just make sure you don’t get a hairball!

Man, that takes me back!

I know, old joke…sorry. I’ve been doing this for 21 years and I’m beginning to run out of ideas.

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