Monday, June 07, 2004

Questionable Behavior

How was everyone’s weekend? Mine was actually fairly eventful. Well, eventful for me.

Had a yard sale, started a new screenplay, went on an audition, the 40th president of the United States, Ronald Reagan, passed away after a long and emotionally painful battle against Alzheimer’s Disease, leaving behind a couple of grown children, his wife Nancy, and a legacy of optimism and hope (sorry, there’s been nothing else on TV!).

And, perhaps the biggest news of all, J-Lo got married to Marc Anthony (the singer, not the Roman)!

Sure, J-Lo never led the free world, but she also hasn’t ratted out all her Hollywood friends for being communists.

That last statement was a little harsh. I realize that Reagan was trying to do what he thought was right when he got all those people thrown out of the business, ruining their lives forever, just so he could strengthen his budding political friendships.

Man, that was harsh too.

I guess there’s no way to sugar-coat McCarthyism. Too bad, I really do think that President Reagan was a good man who meant well and had a big heart. He was just a bit misguided at times. If it makes you feel any better Mr. President, wherever you are, I’m sure that if the situation were the same now as it was at the time of the Red Scare, J-Lo would be the first to turn stoolie.

There, a fitting epitaph, I think, for a great man. (I mean that – I’m not being sarcastic)(You don’t believe me, do you?)(It’s true.)(I guess I shouldn’t have written all that stuff about the House Un-American Activities Committee?)

Okay, I’ll start over. When President Reagan saw hostages, he saw weapons as a way to get them back…

Damnit! Just forget it!

I really did like the man. Really.

But let’s get back to Dame Lopez shall we? What the hell? I can’t figure out the attraction? How does she get so many guys to fall for her fake ass routine? I swear, her genitals must have genitals or something, because I don’t understand the attraction!

J-Lo: Oh Marc, I love the way you spell your name with a "c" instead of a “k!” It’s so…ROMAN!

Marc: And I love the way that your genitals have genitals!

Jen-Pez: And I love you!

Marc: Are you sure?

Pez-Lo: Of course I’m sure. I know love. After all, I have been married twice!

Marc: Me too. But it was to the same woman.

Pez-Dispenser: Let’s get married!

Marc: I don’t know, baby. Are you sure this will work out? Your last marriages haven’t been all that successful. Besides, I doubt that my ex- will marry me again.

Lo-Down Dirty Shame: Have you seen my genitals?

Marc: Which way to the church?!

Seriously, though, this wedding smacks of a marriage made in Tamalewood. You can’t tell me that it’s not a strategic career maneuver. The first real Latino power-couple?! Watch for these tell-tale signs:

1) A lot of red carpet appearances (basic, sure, but they’ll be at the Latin Grammys, Spanish speaking film premiers…etc.)
2) Anthony and Lopez live from Miami!
3) They will both be getting back to their Latino “roots” soon, putting out a couple Spanish only albums.

I tell you, it’s coming. J-Lo fans had better brush up on their Español.

Fun Fact: Yard sales are a good time. The only trouble is that when you have them with other people you invariably end up taking something home. Usually, it’s worthless junk. Not last weekend, boy! I got a cool book, some castanets (Look for me on the album “Anthony and Lopez: Live From Miami!”), and TWO, count ‘em, TWO Schoolhouse Rock videos! Now, who can’t use that?!

Thanks Julie for the cool stuff.

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