Thursday, March 11, 2004

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Mornin’ all.

I saw my friend this morning again as I stalked the neighborhood. He still had his dogs and the eye patch, but I swear that the patch was on the other eye before! Perhaps he’s just running around trying to solicit sympathy. Or, it could be that I have the memory of a Mafia witness.

I saw many other wonderful things this morning also. I saw a really old lady pushing a rickety little cart…very slowly. Old ladies are constantly pushing carts around the neighborhood. I know that it helps them to walk, but the use of a cart says to me that they’re ashamed of their incapacity. I’ve got news for you, old lady, I don’t think that you’re shopping. I know what the cart is for and I resent the implication that I’m stupid enough to think otherwise! At least put some prop groceries in it or something! And I’m not your “sonny!”

Man…old ladies…sheesh! You can’t live with them…for very long… ‘cause they’re old.

I’ve got to hand it to that little old lady though, if it wasn’t for her I wouldn’t have gotten to cross the street in front of the extremely large truck that was waiting at the intersection. I felt a little bad about taking advantage of that situation; I’m usually a very fair intersection crosser, mostly because I hate pedestrians, so when I walk I try to act like a car. I even make engine noises and pretend like I’m steering. But, in the block that I had to make the hard decision while that leady shuffled across the blacktop, I decided to go for it. Hey, you only live once.

I don’t just see old people on my walks in the morning. Every once in a while I see this girl about my age come rushing out of her apartment building like she’s late. And every time I’ve seen her, she’s always fighting to quickly put on some article of clothing. Now, I’ve been late for things before (not lately because, I mean, what do I have to be late for?) But I’ve been late in the past and I’ve never, ever, rushed into the street half dressed. It just seems a bit rehearsed. It’s something that is a clichĂ© in movies but never really happens in real life. And, frankly, when this girl does it, it seems as if she’s desperately trying to indicate that she has someplace very important to be, so important that she has little time to dress herself properly, but she’s soooo important and she really needs to get there now because if she doesn’t then the whole freaking world would implode in on itself and a super race of cream cheese sandwiches would rule over all of humanity for the rest of eternity!

I’m not sure if that’s exactly what she was going for, but that’s what I got. Listen girl, if you’re so important how come you can’t wake up five minutes earlier?! You’re just as bad as those people who come out of the restroom still buckling their belts! It’s gross for some irrational reason. But gross none the less! Besides, the neighbors don’t want to see your morning routine! No one is interested in the mundane details of your day! Um…

Why are there so many fake people in LA?!

In other news: I’ve finished the song that I was recording yesterday and I predict that “My 9 Volt Battery Baby” will be a huge hit!

Fun Fact: Chickens can travel up to 9 miles per hour. That is until you’re stuck behind them in traffic with somewhere to be, then they only seem to want to go about 6 ½!

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