They’ve given you a number and taken away your name.

Alias sucked last night.

I would get all in a huff about it if I really cared all that much but the truth is that I really only watch it because Tanya does.

Okay, that’s a lie.

Still, was it so important that I miss Law and Order C.I. to witness such an obvious exercise in how to fill a one hour time slot with ten minutes of material? As a “writer,” it’s a little insulting and yet at the same time, an intriguing lesson on milking a paycheck for every penny.

Most shows on television do this nowadays. The reality shows are gross offenders. But, Alias, come on, it should be beneath you, right? I mean, you’re scripted!!

Here’s a recap. I apologize for not really knowing everybody’s names.

Sydney confronts Vaughn’s British wife and tells her that there is nothing going on between them anymore (although she’s lying) and then there is some kind of meeting at the CIA about a new plasma screen T.V. or bomb or something and then Vaughn and Sydney go to Vancouver to steal some info. on said bomb, meanwhile, the main bad guy, who’s now good maybe, tries to hook up with some counselor/cop chick that he knows and kinda’ works with at a restaurant somewhere in eastern Europe but acts like an ass at diner causing them to have to play out the rest of their part of the show in a coat-check room, but back in Canada, Vaughn and Sydney get beat to the punch by unknown assailants and escape with only part of the bomb plans and possibly a nasty virus as they are shot at, witness a nasty car crash, and lose the people that they’re chasing, so now they have to go back to LA and talk with the weirdo computer geek guy who hasn’t gotten any sleep so now his diction is even worse than it usually is and he’s almost impossible to understand but he figures some stuff out and now Sydney and Vaughn have to go to a boat and find the bomb as they get shot at and run around.

And then it happens all over again. However, this time we learn a bunch of stuff that we already figured out the first time they showed it.

We also learned the answer to the big question of whether or not the “good-bad” guy is really Sydney’s father. And the answer is… “maybe, I don’t know.”

That’s just good writing there.

Really though, Alias, if you don’t step it up a little, you’re going to be replaced by a prime-time reality show like “Average Genitals: Ontario” or something.

Here are some notes for the writers of Alias:

• The ol’ “bullet-proof vest” reveal is a little overdone.
• A garage in Vancouver isn’t an “exotic location.”
• If you make the story clear enough the first time, you won’t have to keep explaining it to us.

If you don’t want to be replaced by a reality show, Alias, heed my notes.

Gotta’ go, Ambush Makeover is on.


Fun Fact: My downstairs neighbors had a yard sale this weekend and now there are clothes hangars in my trees which might make me mad if the squirrels hadn't worked out one hell of a trapeze act!