Friday, March 12, 2004

Only 287 Shopping Days Left!

I had an associative time warp experience last night when Tanya and I went to Costco.

I make weird associations all the time, they are strong and they are extremely distracting. Here’s an example, it’s strange, but every time I read I get the uncontrollable urge to drive to Huntington Beach. But not only do I have to drive to Huntington Beach but I have to take highway 1 (the PCH) and that takes about two hours! I make Tanya go with me, even if she doesn’t particularly want to. We go to a Chili’s on Beach Blvd. and then take the freeway home. Why do I do this? I don’t know. Maybe James Lileks has some kind of subliminal advertising on his site? I’m not trying to say that Chili’s serves regrettable food or anything but what other explanation could there be for deliberately choosing to drive two hours just to go about 40 miles and eat a Triple Play and some Baby Back Ribs?! There are Chilis’ closer. I don’t even LOVE Chili’s! Here’s the kicker, once we get there, all I can think about is opening a theatre in New England.

You’re waiting for the punchline aren’t you? There isn’t one. Sad but true. There’s just something about that website that makes me do that. I think there’s a glitch in my programming.

Anyway, driving to Costco last night, it was a little cold, a little foggy, a little like a California Autumn. It’s March, I know that, but everything in my brain said October. It was a nice departure form the heat wave that we recently experienced. I loved it because if it were up to me, it would be September through December all year ‘round.

That’s one nice thing about not having seasons in LA; you can pretend like it’s another season any day of the year (except for maybe a month in the summer).

So driving to Costco in October all I could think about was Christmas. Sure, I enjoy Halloween a lot, but that’s mostly because it’s in the autumn and it’s so close to Christmas (not a big Thanksgiving fan ironically).

The holiday season comes early here on Hughes Ave. As soon as September rolls around, I start celebrating Christmas. I’m a freak for Christmas. For those of you who may not know, I even made a Christmas album this past year (which I started making in September). I love Christmas! I’m not ashamed…maybe a little embarrassed…but not ashamed.

I’m more embarrassed that there are still Christmas lights hanging up in the apartment and I really have no intention of taking them down. In fact, I’m working on a plan to make them permanent.

So, Tanya and I sat outside Costco in the cold and ate “Costco Dogs” and Churros but all I could think of was that I couldn’t wait to get inside and see all of the wonderful Christmas merchandise. Which is strange on a couple of different levels; one, I know that it isn’t Christmas, and two, Costco Dogs are made by Hebrew National and Churros are not my typical Christmas fare.

Yet I was still disappointed when we got inside. There were no huge inflatable lawn snowmen. Gone were the light-up reindeers whose heads shake back and forth as if to warn would-be vandals that there would be no presents for them this year of they continued with their mischief. No ornaments. No crappy expensive figurines. No Christmas compilation albums containing all the same songs just in a different order. No classic Christmas DVD boxed sets. No holiday gift baskets of (ironically named) summer sausage, cheese, and liquor.

Just an isle filled with camping equipment and boogie boards.

Looks like there will be no Christmas this March, kids. Damn.

Fun Fact: The record for laying the most eggs in one day by a single chicken is seven! Incidentally, that same chicken set the record for most tubes of Preparation H used by a single chicken in one day!

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